I Don't Want to Be a Dad Today | Burnout, Guilt & Giving Yourself Grace

In this episode of DADHOOD, Thomas and Frankie get brutally honest about the days when life has drained your bandwidth and your kids still need something from you.

Instead of pretending great dads never feel overwhelmed, they explore what happens when we acknowledge those feelings without allowing them to define us.

The conversation dives into the guilt dads can feel about taking time for themselves, the pressure to maximize every moment with their kids, and why constantly hearing messages like “you only have so many summers left” can sometimes create more anxiety than connection.

Thomas and Frankie also explore the difference between balance and alignment—and why a good week doesn't require every part of your life to receive equal attention.

From there, the conversation goes deeper into self-awareness, negative self-talk, journaling, slowing down, walking barefoot in nature, fear, surrender, and what it means to become more present in your own life.

In this episode:

• Why it's okay to admit you don't want to be “Dad” for a minute

• Recognizing when your emotional bandwidth is depleted

• Self-care without the guilt

• Why your kids don't need every available minute of your time

• The pressure behind “you only have so many summers left”

• Balance vs. alignment in work, family, relationships, and yourself

• Doing a weekly check-in on what matters most

• Why one bad parenting moment doesn't make you a bad father

• Breaking the habit of labeling yourself after mistakes

• Using journaling to unpack what's really bothering you

• Slowing down and becoming more intentional

• How fear can pull us away from the present moment

• Surrendering some of the control we think we need

• Building the kind of relationship with your kids that lasts into adulthood

One of the biggest reminders from this conversation:

You can have a shitty parenting moment without being a shitty parent.

Acknowledge it. Repair it. Learn from it. And keep moving.

Because the goal was never perfection.

It's connection.

Connect with DADHOOD

🌐 Website: dadhood.co

📸 Instagram: @dadhood.co

▶️ YouTube: DADHOOD YouTube

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Because fatherhood wasn't meant to be done alone. 

Thanks for listening to the DADHOOD Podcast. If this episode resonated with you, make sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with another dad who’s figuring it out one day at a time.

Transcript

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SPEAKER_01 0:03

Yo, how are you, man? Good, buddy. How are you? Doing great. Welcome to Dadhood, powered by Kiln. We're broadcasting, actually, broadcasting. We're doing the show live from the Kiln studio here. This uh this is a place that offers co-working, private offices, meeting rooms, event spaces, and we're doing it at the kiln in holiday. Yeah, it's so beautiful. Still loving it, man. Me too. The whole vibe, man. Again, if you haven't been to a kiln near you, you should just walk in and see what they're all about. Because this could be exactly what either you were looking for, or maybe you're like, I didn't think I was looking for it, but this totally would fit in what I'm trying to do.

SPEAKER_00 0:38

Yeah. And I've had like three, it seems like almost like three or four people recently that were like, oh, I'm gonna go in there and check that out. Right. And see like what they're about, and or have been like, oh, we've been considering a space. And I'm like, you should definitely go into kiln and check it out before renting out a whole space. Good call.

SPEAKER_01 0:58

And and it doesn't like I I know when we're talking about it, we're we're hoping that we do it justice, but until you see it and experience it and feel it, and then maybe take a tour or just kind of walk around, then you'll see exactly what we're talking about.

SPEAKER_00 1:10

For sure. Because you also get all the other amenities when you rent out an office space. If you rent a smaller one or a larger one, whatever you need, or just the open space, you get access to printers and and all the office supplies that you would need anyway. Right. And then you get amazing coffee.

SPEAKER_01 1:27

And you get the vibe and you get the you know, the the collab in a sense, like of just with the space of people that are here. Yeah. So whether you're, you know, and even if you're introverted, which I get, like I'm borderline introvert, extrovert. Sure. But I mean, this is a really cool, and I hate the word because it's almost overused, like too much, but organic. You get that organic way of meeting people.

SPEAKER_02 1:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:48

I mean, truly, you're they're grabbing coffee. Small talk could lead into something, you never know, as far as relationships. We were just talking to a guy when we came down here, and he thought we were meeting him. Yeah. And he's he's like, dude, he's in real estate, and he does some YouTube stuff out of here, and he was like, It's all about relationships. And we're like, dude, we get it. And that is it. Like with not just with business, but with life. Yeah, it's all about relationships and cultivating relationships, and but that's what this kiln idea does. Yeah, it cultivates relationships.

SPEAKER_00 2:17

Every time we've come in, we've at least talked to one or two people, just like like you're saying, organically. You're just standing somewhere or whatever. You just bump into people, man. That's what it's all about.

SPEAKER_01 2:27

So it's really cool when we appreciate kiln. So powering dadhood. So how you doing, buddy?

SPEAKER_00 2:31

Yeah, doing well, man. Uh, you know, we were joking earlier in the car, it was it was one of those days and gonna be straight up with y'all. Just don't want to be a dad today, dude. I just don't want to be a dad today.

SPEAKER_01 2:44

Yesterday or today or both. I think it's just uh start yesterday and it kind of leads into today as well.

SPEAKER_00 2:48

Yeah, a little bit. Yeah, I think there's just like as life like kind of lifes? Yeah, it lifes you. Um sometimes excuse me, sometimes you just end up not having a lot of extra bandwidth. Yeah, and your kids need that bandwidth, and it just becomes draining, and you're just like, dude, I just want to, like you always say, just maybe sail off in the sunset on a boat. Yeah, no, I think we're not we're not boat people.

SPEAKER_01 3:13

I wanna I wanna sell Axel or trade them in for a boat, is what I say. Yeah, right. And I don't like boats. And I'll just park it in the garage and have drinks on it. Uh it won't even see the water, right? It'll just be in a garage, our garage, which is a very small garage, it'll be taking up all that space or on the side of the garage. I don't care. I'll have drinks, I'll have yacht music literally playing on a boat having a drink.

SPEAKER_00 3:36

As you and I would both be in that situation, then two days in, be like, oh, what did I do? I know. And we're we always joking about it, but no, but for real, like there's just those times, man. It's like anything, it's even with relationships. And I don't know. I'm probably a little more introverted like you, in a sense, too, that there's sometimes I just need to be doing my own thing, man. And those are just those moments that kick in, and I think we have to listen to that as not only parents, but just like and honor it. Yeah, and honor it and be like, what do I need right now? Because obviously I'm over-leveraged and I just need something. And that's not like if you're like me, that doesn't mean going to the gym. That's not a that's not a means of getting out. I mean, I know that that helps the endorphins and all that, right? But that's an another thing that's like a have to do, right? Rather than uh, you know, maybe go for a little longer walk or something today.

SPEAKER_01 4:30

Or just a ride in the car and have a coffee and be by myself listening to music or just sitting out, you know, just not doing anything. I mean, and that's the thing that we we talk about in that in the term self-care. Uh that's something that I think, you know, said a lot. But there is, I mean, you gotta think about that. That's people think they're selfish when, you know, like if it's Tammy and she's like, I need to, and I can tell. She's like, I need to go to the store.

unknown 4:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:55

I'm like, do you? Like, what do we need? That's what I'll say. Like, what didn't you just go yesterday or didn't you just go earlier today? She's like, I need to go to the store. I'm like, okay, I I get it. Yeah. It's kind of her, and she does maybe need to get a couple of things at the store, but it's her way of I need to just be by myself.

SPEAKER_00 5:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:10

I respect it and I get it.

SPEAKER_00 5:12

For sure.

SPEAKER_01 5:12

But I think there's so many of us out there that think that is selfish. Like, well, I, you know, because the kids need me, and it's like, no, the kids, they're okay, and they're gonna be okay, and they need that space. They need the, you know what I mean? Like, you don't have to be here, and that's the thing that I I don't struggle with, but sometimes I do. But I have this kind of inner conflict with I should be, you know, Axel, let's say, had a play date, right? Uh-huh. And it maybe crapped out or it's not happening. So he's downstairs, I'm upstairs doing some editing, and I'm thinking, well, I've got this time with him, but then you know what? I gotta get I gotta get this stuff done. Yeah. So there are times where I'll I'll put it on hold because I can, and then other times where I'm like, no, I need to bust this out so I can be available, or you know, doing my own thing or whatever, that knowing that he doesn't have something to do, but then we reconnect later that day or the next day, and I'm making sure that I carve out something for him.

SPEAKER_02 6:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:12

So it doesn't have to be at that moment. That's what I'm saying. And like I think a lot of parents beat themselves up, like, I have to do this.

SPEAKER_00 6:18

Well, there's a lot of messaging that like you only have so many summers left, and you get this message like you have to spend the time, you only have so much time. And I'm I kind of want to push back on that a little bit. I think you only have so much time if you do it wrong.

SPEAKER_01 6:33

So if you're immersed in the other, if you're like caught up in the machine of life.

SPEAKER_00 6:37

Yeah, so meaning you're only giving all your attention to you and grow and quote unquote doing it for the family. Right. Like I think those individuals are gonna, yes, you only have so much time because your kids get out and they're like, you didn't make the time for me. I think if you're giving them as much time as you can, yeah, but you're also doing your own thing, when your focus is fostering that relationship with them, when they flee from the nest or whatever you want to say, I think they're still gonna be like wanting to be around. And then they're like, You've already at the age seven had 85% of the time with them. And I'm like, bro, and those moments hit you, and you're like, They're impactful when they say that. Yeah, and it makes you feel guilty. Like mission accomplished, yeah, for doing the other things that you still have to do other stuff, right? Like it can't only be family all the time.

SPEAKER_01 7:26

Because it's it's it was that whole with our uh previous guest, however many episodes ago, we had Veronica, and I love the fact that she was talking, you know, because the word again, another overword or overused word is balance. Oh, yeah. But I mean, but she said alignment. It's finding that alignment with you know things for you, for the family, for work. But going back to what you were saying, I think with some of those stats or just the reality of like when kids get older and they move out of the house and they only see their, especially if they're living out of state or whatever, I mean, that's a little different, but seeing their parents a couple times a year. And that might be because growing up, like I look back with my mom and dad, they couldn't have done it any other way. It was a two-income household. They both were working, but that came at a cost. Yeah. Like I, I mean, I had time with them, but it was limited. They were just doing what they had to do and they were surviving. And, you know, it's close to my mom and dad, and I'm still close to my mom, but I do think that that affected the relationship. You know what I mean? There wasn't that connection that we're talking about. We're trying to foster a connection and be a little bit more intentional about the alignment where you know, we need to do this for us and we need to do this for work, and then there's the the family. But we're we're putting in the work to really spend that quality time as a family.

SPEAKER_02 8:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:40

And even if they're just little moments, going for a walk or playing knee hockey upstairs with Axel, I mean, for you know, 15, 20 minutes. Yeah, that's our thing. And you're connecting. So I think we're a little bit more intentional than our parents were with that. And nothing against our parents. It was just kind of they knew what they knew. Yeah. Right. And we, I think, as we hopefully evolve, we know the importance of just being more intentional with what we're doing and how we're spending time with our family.

SPEAKER_00 9:07

For sure. And I also know that intention when you have what you just described, wanting to spend that those extra moments with your even your your partner with your kid, whatever, it does add also another element of stress into the equation because it adds another layer of almost guilt. Like I didn't get enough family time in this week, I didn't get enough work time. There's so many layers of this, like where your attention is divided, and trying to have more awareness, more what would you say? Because it's not the balance, like Veronica was saying. It's you know, that alignment, the alignment, yeah, and just being like, I think brutally honest with yourself. And maybe that's like writing it down the four columns. Like, what do you find to be important in life? Is that finance? Is that maybe your religion? Is that family time? Is it like what are those things? And maybe do a one to five scale on them each week and kind of check in. You don't have to show this to anybody, but check in and be like, ah, relationships, I'm I'm on a two out of five. I should probably give a little more time to those this week.

SPEAKER_01 10:15

I like that you know, and and and even having like grace with yourself if you're lacking in one of the columns, you know what I mean? Where you're not beating yourself.

SPEAKER_00 10:22

Yeah, don't beat yourself up for it.

SPEAKER_01 10:24

But you just try to maybe up the game. Yeah. And I love what because I've said this before, and I love that kind of looking at week to week, that's well how we look at life. And you know how like you hear the saying, live every day like it's your last. Sure. And that's just not realistic. Yeah. It's not. I mean, like, especially if you got shit that you need to do, and maybe there's very little family time within that day, or maybe that you know the kids are doing something with their friends or whatever, just let's say, and that day kind of got away from you. For us, it's like foreign. There's no way you could live every day like it's your last. But I look at the week that way. So it's like, okay, and I don't go through every week this way, but I I do, I guess, in a sense, where I'm a little cognizant of looking back at the week, going, yeah, that was pretty good. We got family time in, we got couple time, maybe not as much couple time. Sure. Again, try to do better next time. Yeah. But just trying to make sure that the weeks are more aligned, I guess, with getting all those columns in. You gotta be realistic with just how you're living and and what you're doing and and don't beat yourself up.

SPEAKER_00 11:24

Yeah. Do you do this as like a mental check-in? Like at the end of the or do you actually write this out?

SPEAKER_01 11:30

I don't write it out, but we were talking about in one of our episodes, I think with Veronica, our previous guests, is I gotta get better at like what you do with the journaling. But but I do it's more of a mental check-in. Okay. And it's sometimes it's it's me on a walk and I'm just literally spending 30 seconds thinking about it, or or 15 seconds thinking about it. Sure. Like, you know, how was this past week? And then like, yeah, it felt it felt pretty full. Meaning, you know, where it's checking all the boxes. Sure. And then I'll look back and I can and you can feel it when because even Tammy, like, she'll bring it up and be like, We need to, we need to get the you know, sexy time in, or we need to, you know, we're we're lacking in that, or we need to have a lunch date or whatever. So it's you can feel it, or just even with your kid, it's like, okay, they may be at camp all week, and it's hard to get that family time in, but you know, for the next week, it's like, okay, I'm gonna spend time with Liam, I'm gonna spend time with Jackson. I don't know, you can kind of feel it. What do I know in my core is missing or what missed this past week, or does it feel pretty good?

SPEAKER_00 12:29

Yeah, I think that checking in with your core is really hard to do these days, and and just because we have so many distractions, and we we joked about this last time that people can't even like parent without checking with chat GPT, but they're doing their own like, what should I be doing with my time, asking these kind of questions. And again, it's like we know what's best for ourselves. We always have, we can fool ourselves. It's not really what I need. What I need is more grinding and hustling right now, and and inside your body's like, go for it, bro. Let's see how this pans out. I will literally like start shutting down the system. We've known our bodies have known the answers to what we need. It's that whole body, your body keeps score kind of thing. Yeah, and it does. But we keep pushing back again. Yeah, like we believe that our thinking brain, like you know, instead of our like gut health or brain that they say, or our heart brain, or you know, like we believe that we can overthink everything, that we can overpower everything. And it's like, yeah, that's good to set up certain routines or whatnot. But at the same time, to your point, you know what part of your balance or your body or life is unaligned together. Yeah, like, and so you just need to at that point do something like, okay, cool, I hear you. I'm gonna put a little more intention in there, and then just see how that pans out. We do thrive to be better versions of ourselves. We try. We try, we try. We're like aware of the fact that like we're humans, we mess up. That was one thing Veronica said. Remember, we're humans. The goal is not to be perfect. When you mess up, you repair it and you and you move on.

SPEAKER_01 14:04

And you move on, and you try not to dwell on it. And yeah, and too many people, myself included, sometimes I'm I'm a lot better now at this point in my life, but I don't beat myself up maybe five or six years ago where I would something would just be lingering at the time. I don't even I didn't even know how to tap into that. But you know, when you're like it's that metacognition now, like if I'm feeling a certain way, I feel off, I feel irritated, I feel whatever it is, I'm really good about going, where is that coming from? Where's it coming from? And if it's something like a a shortcoming that I had, or I don't beat myself up, I'll just kind of like feel it and be like, fuck, and then move on, right? And try to do better and and not hang on to that. I think too many people hang on to shit and be like, I'm this type of a uh father or I'm this type of a whatever. You just yeah, we all I think it's human nature. You go into these shortcomings that we all have, and there's nothing wrong with having them, just being aware of them and trying to do better. Right. So many people, you go to that, and that's the first thing you go to. And if you're not aware of it, then you're just it just ruin it can ruin your day, ruin your week.

SPEAKER_00 15:03

Oh, dude. And we just we love labeling shit, don't we? You mess up one time, man. I'm a shitty father. You say one thing wrong to your spouse. Oh crap, I'm a I'm a shitty husband. Yeah. Right? And then it just keeps like, and then what happens is our brains are really good at pattern recognition and they believe over time the things that we say verbally and non-verbally. Yeah right.

SPEAKER_01 15:27

So it's like you gotta be careful with that inner dialogue. You really do.

SPEAKER_00 15:30

To your point, give yourself a pass sometime, man, and just be like, I'm having a just a shitty moment. This isn't defining who I am or what I bring to the table. It's just this moment.

SPEAKER_01 15:42

And and I love that because this is something that, again, this point in my life, I've always known and believed that I'm able to see this more so now, but your your mood drives your brain. And before, yes, I knew that. I might change my thoughts to kind of get into a different mood, but now I'm really kind of seeing that and hearing that for what it is, so I can kind of change make that switch, but I'm feeling and processing through whatever it is. If I'm in a shitty mood, that's good. I'm not stuffing it down or ignoring it or distracting, and sometimes I do, but I I want to go back, and it's usually like 45 seconds or a minute that I'm sitting through something that whereas years ago I would distract myself, I don't want to fucking feel this, or I don't want to acknowledge it because thinking it's gonna derail my whole whole day, which it usually did.

SPEAKER_02 16:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:26

In reality, when you deal with whatever it is and make hopefully make that connection of why I'm feeling this way. Sure. And then it's in and out.

SPEAKER_00 16:33

So do you just like sit and allow yourself to think about it, or do you feel like you have to get up and physically move around, or like what's the best way for you when you're starting to feel the things bubbling up, the thoughts are starting to run rampant, or you start feeling that tension in your body? Like, how do you sit and process it?

SPEAKER_01 16:50

Is that I don't usually sit, so I'm usually doing other things, okay, but I am thinking about what it is. And and you know, like you wake up and you just feel like, what is it? I feel you know just off, right? Yeah, there's something bugging me. Yeah, and I feel irritable. What is it? And most of the time, like in the past, I wouldn't even I don't even think I was capable of in the moment try to pinpoint what that is. And it's taken time and and I and I'm just I can do it much easier now, and that is, oh, that's this, or it's this that happened yesterday, or or I wake up, you know, not even realizing that I'm thinking about it, but it's affecting me. Let's say I'm in the shower or I'm feeding rusty, you know, I'm kind of going through the the start of the day, doing whatever it is, getting ready for the day, and I'm just thinking about what it is that is pissing me off, or so I'm giving it thought, but I'm not letting it ruin my my day. You know, and sometimes I'll come to a r resolution with it, and sometimes I won't. I'll acknowledge it. Yeah, and then it usually at the end of whatever it is that's bothering me, I'm like, it's not that bad. Sure. But that's the thing. It's like we our minds create shit. Oh man, and they go to the worst case scenario.

SPEAKER_00 17:56

The whole journaling thing, that's how I try to unpack some of it. I need to be better at this. So I do it as like a mind dump. And do you do it like in the morning or just is it whenever or just whenever. You know what the one of my favorite times to do it is in the evening time. So Katie and the boys, they love to in the evening watch a show. So they'll watch a movie or whatever. That's not really my thing. It never has been. And I know that they want me to be like up there hanging out with them, but I'm like, it's better use of my time right now to grab the journal and sit outside and just start mind-dumping all of these things that are going on. But that makes you a better person to be around.

SPEAKER_01 18:36

A better dad, a better husband. I love that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:38

So it's like, dude, it's like I gotta do this. This is for me. I know you want me to come in there right now, but if I come in there right now, again, I'm just like gonna allow these other thoughts that have been ruminating in there. I'm just letting them keep stirring and doing their thing and mindlessly watching a film or falling asleep because I'm notorious at falling asleep during movies. The brain shutting down like too much. But like sitting there and I will just start writing and I'll ask certain questions.

SPEAKER_01 19:05

So give me an example without getting too personal, like I know what you're saying.

SPEAKER_00 19:08

Yeah. So I will ask a question like, Do I feel like I'm on my right career path? Let's just say that, right? And then I just listen to the thoughts because we've all done it. I mean, there's psychological tests where they say, like, ask yourself a question, listen, where did that voice come from? Yeah. And did you you actually heard it? So who was the one saying it? And I'm listening to that internal voice start unpacking things. And I'll also I'll write that question down, and then I take an arrow, and dude, it's all over the place. It's all messy, there's no rhyme or something. It's a beautiful mind, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Like I go down to the next one and I start just writing what that answer came to me, and then I'll be like, Well, why? So I'm questioning my belief system around it. Why did I come up with that? Was that something I've been told in the past, or is that what I really believe? Yeah. And then it starts, sometimes it goes to like not crazy to do it. Does it make it worse or does it make it better, like as far as your your thought process? No, by by the end, I just feel so much lighter. Oh, good. So you feel so much getting it out. Yeah. And sometimes it it takes it in a direction I'm like, whoa, we just went way in left field. I started with asking a question about career, and now I'm I'm way down to why that one time in school I was told like not to talk so much, like impacted.

SPEAKER_01 20:26

You're connecting the dots of thoughts and where they're coming. And some of them are coming from, you know, like rooted from our childhood. And so and I'm sure some some of them aren't. Just these random, you know, those inner thoughts. Sometimes it doesn't mean shit.

SPEAKER_00 20:39

Exactly. It started off with career. Now I'm like writing down like, why am I pursuing a certain kind of car? Like that's what I'm saying. It's it's way off. And then it's like, what's that car do for you? And it's like, next thing you know, you get down to like, I really don't need much in this world. And I think that's you nailed it. I think what really works for me, it's not just the writing it down. The other element is if you have the opportunity, like get outside. I really think that we have to sometimes get out of these confined boxes, literally, like we people work in boxes, we drive in them. You're just constantly insulated. Insulated. Yeah, and with air conditioning and all the perfect elements that it's like sometimes just step back out. I, you know, take my shoes off, sit there, yeah, maybe sit on the ground in the grass, like just let it flow, man, and just get out of I don't know, out of the confined spaces.

SPEAKER_01 21:28

I love it. And and our buddy DK from Water Fusions, one of our previous episodes, so he kind of turned us on to the to the barefoot hiking. And I would do like when I would go on hikes, I would take my shoes and socks off, or my you know, my boots and socks off, and I would ground that way as I'm like having an apple or an orange and kind of taking a break. But this is a whole new thing where part of the hike is completely barefoot. I love that so much. Did just one the other day when you guys were down on Moab. Yeah, it's amazing. And some you know, some of the looks you get. And it's funny, I had like a I think three guys pass. Me. I don't know if they saw or not, but I'm kind of standing off to the side, letting them go up the trail and I'm heading down and I'm barefoot. And none of them said anything. But then I ran into these older women, they were late 70s. I think actually, the more I think about it, in their 80s. Yeah. These women that were almost two miles up. I'm coming down from this ridge up Lamb's Canyon, and they're up near the top. And the first thing this older woman said when she saw me, she's like, barefoot. And I, you know, and I was like, Yep. I said, I'm grounding in every sense of the word. I said, uh it forces me to slow down, which when DK said that, I'm like, gosh, I need that. I need that. Because I was getting little messages from the universe before going on hikes, and I would get people in front of me that wouldn't move. And I'm like, okay, I'm taking this as a message. I need to slow down. Wow. And this is a next level of slowing down, taking the socks and the boots off. And I said to her, I said, so it's forcing me to slow down and it's forcing me to have intention with every step that I take, which I think there's something so profound about that. You don't want to be too intentional with life, but you do want to be intentional. It's forcing me to kind of like, I need to slow down and be intentional about where I'm putting my feet, and that is a perfect metaphor for life.

SPEAKER_00 23:12

Dude, I think those two together, slowing down and having intention, could ultimately be one of these cheat code things that we talk about. When I hear those two together, it actually takes me out of the material world and puts me back into this alignment in a sense, where it's like you're not chasing, you're making very clear decisions, right? It's not based out of fear. It's based off of like you've taken the time, you've slowed down, you've thought about it, you felt it. Yep. And I know you can't do this with every last decision in your life, but man, if you could do even 6040, that'd be seems like a pretty big win, dude.

SPEAKER_01 23:55

So I want to take that, the the fear thing, take it a little further. So I've been uh really getting into these telepathy tapes podcasts, right? So like listening to these episodes and this kind of next level with what we're talking about, but it goes all, I mean, it's all across the board, and you know, it starts off with kids that are in the non-speaking autistic community and how they communicate with each other telepathically. And then they talk about people that have crossed over. I mean, there's all kinds of things, like NDEs, the near-death experiences, even like with what we did, the ayahuasca, and how like different cultures can get that same effect of like where it's almost like a being born again kind of thing. You know, the DMT, you're like having the same feelings when you die, but then it's almost like a rebirth. A lot of people say with that, the fear goes away. And the fear of like they're talking about like dying or just the fear. So it kind of ultimately leads into the fear of death, but that goes away. And all these stories say the same thing. There's the same common thread. It forces them to just be present. It just forces you to, like what you're saying, the simple fact of just living and being in that moment. But that fear is what is like if you can kind of let that go, which is easier said than done, but fear with anything in your life, fear of what? Like, what is the fear? It's in our heads, the, you know what I mean? Like it's inexplicable and it literally can cripple you or come close to it, or you don't even realize how it's it's slowing you down and it's distracting you from what's here. Those are the stories that I hear though. It's like when people have those experiences, and I almost feel that like the same thing. Like I had I wasn't able to articulate it, but I felt like when we did ayahuasca back in October of 2023, I felt like I felt like this new lease on life, but it's almost like a rebirth. And I and I it sounds weird saying that, but that's the way I felt and feel still.

SPEAKER_02 25:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:44

Like, not that I don't have fear, sure. Believe me, I still have it, but I I don't think it uh it has that daunting effect that it used to have, if that makes sense. So I'm trying to just surrender more, I guess. And then that puts me more of just just like this being more present and more engaged and with whatever it is.

SPEAKER_00 26:01

So that's really interesting when you talk about um surrendering. So there's a an author, his name is Michael Singer. He talks about the surrender experience, I think it's called, all about how that's how he lived his life, right? He was going to school, doing all these things, getting his doctorate, and then he came across meditation because he to what we said earlier, he heard that voice internally, and he's like, Who's saying this? And that took him down a whole meditation. Like he just was like, he wanted to escape, he only wanted to meditate all day, kind of a thing. And then he just started surrendering to his life rather than being like, I'm going to become trying to take control. That goes back to the control thing.

SPEAKER_01 26:44

There's only so much you can control, and that's not much.

SPEAKER_00 26:46

Yeah. He was like, dude, I'm going to whatever comes my way, whatever is presented to me, I'm gonna give my all, but I'm not going to seek anything anymore. And his life unpacked and unfolded in a way that he describes as being something he could never have created, even if he wanted to or desired it. Right. Or had a goal. Everything has a goal, right? So he just gave into that. And I think sometimes back to what you're saying with the whole telepathy tapes and getting rid of fear and allows you to be more present. I think that even just you walking barefoot down the canyon, a lot of people won't surrender to that because of the fear of judgment of somebody else. But that's just you're just protecting your ego. Right. It's fear that the ego has a fear that it will die if others don't accept you or think you're weird or whatever that is. Right. So again, going back to your statement of death being the ultimate fear, I think that that's where most of our fear of public speaking, whatever it is, so putting something out there, your artwork out there because someone might judge it, then your ego will die. So it's not just your physical sense or presence, but your ego could die. So it's all this fear around ultimate loss, right? Losing something. We lose our life, we lose our our ego or our perception of who we are. Yeah. Yes, perceived value, dude. Yeah. Just if we can get more in that, in that present moment. And again, I think back to being parents and doing our thing. If we can get back to that present moment, that the fear of me not always being around for my kids or or losing a potential relationship in the future with my kids or or whatever it is, and just allowing it to play out. And I think things will just work out, right?

SPEAKER_01 28:29

Well, and even like to that statement right there, I think I think parents do have that maybe uh maybe in the back of their mind, like what if because you hear these stories and you see these stories where parents and kids, let's say, you know, you got an adult kid and and their parent, they have no relationship.

SPEAKER_02 28:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:46

But that that would never happen to you, yeah. Or to me. I would never let it get to that point. Yeah. So it's like that's a fear that you could just kind of write off. Like, but there are some people that you you know you we see, or maybe you're living it right now, yeah, where there's no relationship with your parent, and that's it's on the parent. Like exactly.

SPEAKER_00 29:06

I was just gonna say that. Like it's on the parent. At a certain point, you have to say, now if you're in a relationship where you are the child and that's the relationship you have with your adult parents, yeah, is it's strained. Understand though that you putting in your effort with your kids is not gonna be that same relationship, and that's where you're saying it. Like, that will never happen. Never, and just check that off and just say, I will never be in that. So when those thoughts creep in, they'll creep in, and that's based off another relationship that you have. You gotta just in that moment be like, that's not me, homie. Thank you. Thank you to whatever voice, wherever it's coming from. I appreciate you, but we're gonna shut that fear train down right now, and I'm gonna just keep on rolling. Thanks for the feedback. Thanks, but no thanks. Yeah, thanks.

SPEAKER_01 29:50

I mean, really, it's like right uh noted, you know, it's like duly noted. Yeah, so there you go. You give it and then you move on because you know that that's not true. True. Exactly. Man, this is a good conversation. I love it, man. It's it's us, man. It's therapeutic, man. We're evolving out loud. Big time. Big time. Hey, make sure you check out uh our socials, dadhood. So we're on TikTok, we're on Instagram, we've got our website, dadhood.co.

SPEAKER_00 30:12

Yeah, go check out some of the shorts on YouTube. Thank you for following. Thank you for being a part of the dadhood with us.

SPEAKER_01 30:17

And thanks to Kiln. So powered by Kiln, you got to check it out here. They've got co-working private offices, meeting rooms, event spaces, and of course, podcast space as well. Absolutely. We're at the kiln in holiday, and we will talk to you guys soon. See you.