When Life Hits All at Once | Caring for Parents, Raising Kids & Finding Perspective

Life doesn't happen one challenge at a time.

Sometimes you're celebrating family vacations, making unforgettable memories with your kids, and then suddenly you're sitting in a hospital discussing hospice care for your aging parent.

In this episode of DADHOOD, Thomas and Frankie have an authentic conversation about navigating life's emotional extremes. Frankie shares the difficult reality of helping care for his 88-year-old mother as her health rapidly changes, while Thomas opens up about raising resilient boys, helping kids navigate disappointment, and resisting the urge to solve every problem for them.

Along the way, they discuss the importance of perspective, emotional support, growing through difficult seasons, and why some of the greatest lessons in fatherhood come from simply showing up.

In this episode:

• Caring for aging parents with compassion

• Understanding how quickly life can change

• Helping kids navigate disappointment and embarrassment

• Why fathers don't always need to fix every problem

• Teaching resilience through real-life experiences

• The importance of simply listening

• Supporting your family through difficult seasons

• Finding gratitude during life's hardest moments

• Why discomfort helps build stronger people

Whether you're raising young children, supporting aging parents, or simply navigating one of life's heavier seasons, this episode is a reminder that you don't have to carry it alone.

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Because fatherhood wasn't meant to be done alone.

Thanks for listening to the DADHOOD Podcast. If this episode resonated with you, make sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with another dad who’s figuring it out one day at a time.

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:03

Yo, how you doing? Good, man. How are you? Doing great. Welcome to Dadhood as we do it live. Record it live here from Kiln, powered by Kiln, so one of those studios here, which we love. We're still not we're still not sick of this place.

SPEAKER_01 0:16

I know. I think they've tried to evict us three times at this point.

SPEAKER_00 0:19

We're squatting at this point.

SPEAKER_01 0:21

We own this studio now.

SPEAKER_00 0:23

How are you, man? Doing well. Doing well. It's been a minute since we've seen each other. We took a family vacation. We went back to the Midwest. We uh actually ran into your buddy Joel coming into the airport last night. Oh, no shit. Because we flew out of Chicago. So we flew into Chicago and then from Chicago went into Michigan, and then when we came back, we drove back to Chicago from Michigan and then flew out just yesterday as we were recording this. Yeah, and he was there at the baggage claim and he was like, Frankie, and I was like, Hey, and we were chatting, he was picking up his sister. Oh cool. He's from Indiana. So his sister lives, I think she lives somewhere in either Indiana or Illinois, somewhere near Chicago. Okay. But they I think they flew, they were on the same flight as we were.

SPEAKER_01 1:06

Oh, that's really cool.

SPEAKER_00 1:07

Yeah, so saw him. Yeah. So kind of cool.

SPEAKER_01 1:09

That's really cool.

SPEAKER_00 1:10

So we took a family vacation, so we were just kind of catching up here before we started recording. And we had an amazing time as a family, but then there's stuff going on here, like with my ma. So my ma is almost 88. She was in and out of the hospital. She's back in the hospital. It was a UTI uh that that put her in the hospital to be to begin with. She's been extremely resilient. We always talk about how she's like a cat, she has nine lives, right? Yeah. Call her just Detroit Strong. But I don't know with this one. I don't know. I mean, I literally just came from the hospital this morning before we recorded this and we met with a nurse about hospice, which is frightening to even say out loud. Yeah. But this is kind of a longer term, potentially a longer term type thing. Where if we do bring hospice in, it's you know, it could be a couple years, it might just be a temporary like uh six months and then pull her off it kind of thing. Sure. Uh but we're we don't know. She's not coherent enough because we want to include her in this conversation, and she's just it's it's bad. Like she is not making sense. And she's been slipping here and there in the last year, like we could tell because she's always been mentally sharp. Yeah. And this is I I I think it's due to the UTI, which they released her, said the infection was pretty much gone, but it was sepsis. Oh god. But it it it got into the bloodstream, but they were able able to catch it before it could have killed her. Uh, but with those UTIs and maybe a lot of maybe you don't maybe you don't know this, because I didn't know this until probably about a year ago. If you have somebody that's older, like if it's your mom or dad or grandparent, and they start getting either aggressive or they're mean and or they are not making sense, that's uh that's an indicator that it it it most likely that's the first place people should look, doctors should should look, which is a UTI. Really? Even with men. But I think more so I think they happen more so with women, but even men get them. And it's something mentally that now they're starting to see that that is a symptom of a UTI. Like if they're seeming like they're just you know normally they're they're they're pleasant and then they're not, right? And they or they get confused, and my mom was confused a little bit, and and I think with my brother got a little not aggressive, but just was get was getting short with him, which is not like her. Sure. So that was the thing where and then the nurse that we have that comes once a week, she was like, It seems like she has a UTI. And I stopped by the day that my dad, it was his birthday, July 15th. I texted her in the morning and just said, you know, how are you? And she texted back. She didn't mention anything about my dad, which I thought was odd. And I said, Well, I'm gonna come over a little later because usually I had my dad's birthday or like their anniversary, I'll come over with either flowers or a card or something. So I had like a card and then I brought her a cannoli, and the card basically said, you know, uh talking about losing my dad, and you know, we're thinking about you. We know that you miss him every day, we miss him every day, blah, blah, blah. But she that was about 6 p.m. when I stopped by she opens the card and she's like, Oh, it's that's right, it's your dad's birthday. That to me was a shocker because she's like I said, mentally sharp, she's good at with dates, she's just been good up until so I didn't think about a UTI, I thought, oh no, because there's been moments in the last six months where she just seems to be slipping here and there, mentally slipping. So that's wild, man.

SPEAKER_01 4:40

Like there's so many things I want to talk about with that because you first and foremost, dude, you as a child, like you are so good to your parents, bro. Like the way that you show up, like that, the way you show up on the anniversary, on the birthday, and just as this little reminder, like, hey, thinking about you, we're missing dad. Like, that's Frankie, I know to you that that's just what you should do. That's unheard of, bro. I think, especially in our society, like in America here, it's just kind of like, oh, aging parents, you kind of forget about them, like you know, you move on, they're more of a nuisance. Like, you genuinely care and show up, dude. And it's like, I am so bummed for you that you get back from this incredible trip with your family, and this is the thing you come back to, bro. It's like that's like ah, I feel just so bummed, man.

SPEAKER_00 5:36

Yeah, and we were kind of, you know, and the and the and the good thing is my brother's been here for the last coming up in five years. November will be five years.

SPEAKER_01 5:44

No way.

SPEAKER_00 5:44

So he went through a whole thing, like a health thing where he almost passed away five years ago. Like, literally, we didn't know if he was gonna die. And he ended up pulling through. And then shortly after that, he got a divorce. So his wife divorced him, and there's a lot of stuff there. I mean, a lot of stuff. Yeah. Uh, but she sent him out here and he moved out this way. The silver lining is he's been in the house with my ma. Sure. Which is good because it's a small house. There's so many different layers of this, but he has really kind of stepped it up. Whereas years ago, like there was there was a lot of animosity, me towards him years ago, before he he was still in New York, my mom, my dad was still alive. This was even before I brought them out here from Detroit, and he just he has his way of like, or whatever that is, like not keeping in touch. And I just remember at one point he just wasn't keeping in touch with my mom and dad, and and I know I knew it hurt my mom, and it wasn't anything, he just has a way, his brain works differently, sure, and just wasn't reaching out like at all. So we had this thing where I was like, dude, you have to just text once a week. That's all she's looking for. You know, you don't have to get on the phone with her, just text. We had that little blip in our relationship, and since he's been out here and been with her, and he just completed his EMT training, so he's and he just got certified with the state. So he's an EMT. My point is he's been really good and stepped it up lately with you know, caring for my ma, taking her to the doctors, to a lot of visits to the emergency room. A lot. She's fallen a lot over the years. He's been there, and even with this meeting this morning with the woman from the nurse trying to facilitate the hospice thing, he's asking the right questions where I I don't know if I would have asked the right questions. You know, I'm asking different questions, and he's at least asking the medical things that that that that you know what I mean, that we need. But like I don't know these things. So it's been good. So when we were in Michigan, we were enjoying, you know, our family. We would call my mom.

SPEAKER_01 7:47

Did you know this was going on? Did he notify you then?

SPEAKER_00 7:49

Yeah, so this happened right before we left. We kept in touch and we would just, you know, do FaceTime, we would call, put her on speaker, put him on speaker. We could tell she's slipping, and she, you know, because of the UTI, I think now it's worse. You know, as we get back, it's just worse because she just went back into the hospital. So, how many days was she home? She was home probably a couple few and then went back.

SPEAKER_01 8:14

You know, and so they were like, Okay, you're good, clean kind of bill of health. Well, not really, but yeah, good to like go home. Yeah, and then all of a sudden, yeah just symptoms were coming back up again. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:25

I'm trying to think. I think she went home when we it's all kind of blurry. I think she went home right before we left. So we got she she got home because they were saying, you know, when they pick and they probe you at night, it's hard for her to get rest. It might be just better to be at home so you can get that sleep. Because I mean, sleep is so important for everybody, but especially at that age. And I think that's where she was at last night when I visited her this morning. She's still in pain, but she's always in pain. That's the thing. Like it's always something. I don't know. It's just it's just kind of a little sobering to see her. And we were telling the nurse, it's like we've never seen her this bad, like where she doesn't know things. You know, so it's that kind of stuff that's a little scary. Yeah. You know, so we're we were just kind of again reconnecting you and I before we started recording, and it's like we it's weird, it's like this this bittersweet, like we had an amazing time with family, and we were trying to keep in touch with my brother and my mom. And we did. We brought her into the mix because we had the cousins over one day, and they all came up and from Detroit and spent the whole day at the cottage and on the lake, and we passed the phone around and they were talking to my mom and on FaceTime and that sort of thing, and my brother, so we were doing our best to kind of bring her into the mix, yeah. Because you know, she is missed and they love her and they haven't seen her in a minute. And at the same time, you know, you have where you're having moments of like really special family time, right? And quality time, but then you've got this, you know, that happening at the same time back here. So it's kind of weird. I mean, you know, it's just kind of a weird dichotomy or whatever you call that.

SPEAKER_01 9:58

For sure. And it's so fascinating how they both those moments can be playing out at the same time. I think we believe, or we're just like you have to feel one or the other. It's like, hey, you're either happy or you're sad. It's like you you, you know, it's not this, oh yeah, I can be happy, and I'm also stressed out and and worried about this and sad. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:20

And I think that's exactly what it was the whole trip.

SPEAKER_01 10:22

These are all those real things too. Yeah. I don't even remember what we said right before we started recording.

SPEAKER_00 10:27

It's something about like we were just kind of you didn't know what was going on until just recently. And I was like, you know, there's just, I don't know, there's certain things where I'm like, I don't wanna, you got enough going on, and you have enough going on. And that's kind of what we were talking about. Like, you're like, oh buddy, let me tell you. Like, how have you been? Oh, buddy, let me tell you.

SPEAKER_01 10:43

Which is so funny because in the big picture, you weren't gone for that long. It feels like you were gone for a long time, right? But that's just me missing my friend, you know. But it's like, yeah, yeah, but it's like for the short duration to have like so much, I would just call it shit just happening in life. It's like, what in the hell? Sometimes it's the old like it when it rains, it pours. And I think understanding that there are temporary moments, yeah. You'll weather through it, yeah. And this is like a big thing I'm trying to teach the boys, like, and I don't know how to do it yet. I'm still trying to figure that out, but like just you're gonna have days, dude. You might have a week, you might have a month, just feels heavy, right? But I promise if you just stick with it, you're gonna come out of it. You're gonna come out, dude. And genuinely that next day, like that you might be like so down and out, that next day might be the most beautiful day and magical day of your life. And it just it really can f it just fluctuates, dude.

SPEAKER_00 11:43

That's a good conversation to have with them to because I've said that with Axel, especially as they get older, you know, they're they're approaching their tweens. Yeah, they're gonna be in high school, and we know from looking back at high school, and I lost I wasn't really tight with them, but I was friends with them and due to suicide. Yeah. And when you look back at that age, it seems like that's your whole world. And it's never gonna end. Right. Like this is this is what it is. And when something happens, like a girl breaks up with you or whatever it is, it just seems like it's the end of your world. Yeah. And I remember being in a different state of mind, luckily at that age, realizing what I was in was a small little blip on the timeline. I knew that it wasn't my whole world. Yeah. So these are conversations that I have with Axel, like just like just know when you get into junior high and high school and you're gonna have shitty days or something happens to you, and it's gonna feel like it's your whole world going down the drain.

SPEAKER_01 12:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:43

Just know that it's not. It's a small blip in the in the grand scheme of of our life. Yes. So I love that you're having that conversation because as we get older, it still happens, but it's that perspective. If you just know that this is temporary, it sucks. Yeah, you just gotta learn to manage those.

SPEAKER_01 13:00

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 13:01

It's normal.

SPEAKER_01 13:01

I wasn't like you as a kid in that sense. Like I remember going through like, let's call a major breakup or something and feeling that like oh man, because I didn't have the conversation with my dad, like, hey, it's gonna, it's just gonna suck. Right. And you're fine. I think the thing that got me out of it was like, cool, now I get to date someone else. Right, right. But I remember those feelings feeling so intense back then.

SPEAKER_00 13:25

And they and they truly are. That's it's not like to take anything away from it. Yeah. I mean, they feel intense because they are. But yes. It's because we're feeling that sort of intensity for the very first time. First time, yes, dude. So it's real. Yeah. So it's like I don't want it to, you know, like when I'm having conversations with Axel, like, I don't want to take away and say that what you will feel as a young adult aren't real, but just know that it's temporary.

SPEAKER_01 13:51

For sure. And and they also like Axel's gonna know, Liam and Jackson are gonna know. Like, you can come and say, like, I'm just I'm hurting right now. Yeah. And if they say that to us, we're going to approach it from an empathetic standpoint. We're not gonna be like, well, man up, deal with this shit. Right. You know what I mean? We'll be like, Oh, you just have to get over it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, like you'll get or even saying that, dude, if all that's so bad. You'll be fine. Yeah, don't tell me I'm gonna be fine. I feel like shit right now. Yeah, like don't tell me how I'm feeling or how I should feel. Yeah, yeah. Can you not just say, oh man, I'm sorry you're going through that. I I can't take it from them. And I tell the boys that you're gonna go through some things. I can't personally take that feeling away from you, but I can be there just to listen. Sometimes, honestly, that's the best. When someone's like not trying to fix you, they're just like, All right, I see you and I hear you, man. Boy, and I'm here with you.

SPEAKER_00 14:47

What you just said out loud took me, and I still work at it, but I think I'm finally getting it. I'm 55, by the way, to give you some context, with trying to fix things. Not too long ago, I would still try to do this with Tammy. You know, she has a problem, it's something at work or whatever, right? Whatever it is.

SPEAKER_01 15:05

I got you. I'll fix it.

SPEAKER_00 15:06

I come in with, well, here's what you need to do. Well, this is what I would do, or you should do this. And and it took me, like I said, look therapy, a lot of therapy, but I think I'm a lot better now when those moments happen. I'm listening because that's all she wants is a sounding board. And if she's looking for advice, she'll ask for it. That's the thing. So hard because I'm bro, it's so hard not to be like unsolicited advice. Like, here's the here's what you should do.

SPEAKER_01 15:31

Because sometimes, and I don't know if this is how you are, I'm listening with the intent to fix. Right.

SPEAKER_00 15:37

Oh, of course. Yeah, like I got the solution. As soon as you're done, let me just tell you how you need to do it. And I might not even wait for you to be done. I'm gonna just think you would have just interrupted your ass and said, here's what you need to do. So I wanna, okay, so I gotta tell you the story what we were when we were just talking about the boys and kind of being there for them. So something happened in Michigan. So I think I said that, yeah. So we my we went out and stayed at my cousin and her husband's cottage on the lake, and it's about an hour and some change outside of Detroit. And we had like an experience growing up where my grandma Moshone had a cottage, the shack on a lake not too far from there.

SPEAKER_01 16:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 16:15

And when I say a shack, I'm just trying to give you some context in that we loved it. We it was the place where all the cousins would go every weekend, and it was my grandma, it was my grandpa that built it. He died before I was born, but my grandma, that was hers. We look like the clampets. I'm just gonna say, like from the Beverly Hill bills. We look like the we didn't have the money, but we look like that kind of just shack, but it was on the lake on either side of us. We had like a guy that owned a construction company. The hedges got taller and taller each year. I'm not kidding. My brother and I talk about that. Remember those hedges, how they just got taller and taller? And that was by design. And then on the other side of us, we had like a dentist that lived there. And same thing, but not quite as they weren't quite as brazen with how we they just turned their noses up at us, which again, we were kids and we could see it to an extent, but we didn't care. We were there every weekend and making those memories. So that's what my cousin Tina, because she was a part of that, and then her husband Al, they bought a cottage on a lake not too far from there. So that's what they're doing with their family. And their kids are growing and they have grandkids and all that, but they're trying to basically do the same thing that we had. So it's a little better amenities of what we had. Sure. Uh so that's where we were for the the whole week. We flew into Chicago, did a couple of things there, and then drove to Michigan and spent pretty much a week there swimming and hanging out and cooking and kayaking and playing games. We played some card games and just really connecting and trying to give him Axel the experience of what I had growing up. And of course, we have our cabin. Yeah. So that's the same kind of idea, but it's a little different because you know, the the lake and that sort of thing, but it's the same concept. Sure. So had one of the girls next door, so the family that comes up, and we've met him before, and they're really nice. So they came up for the weekend. He's got like three kids. So I think the daughter's the oldest, she's probably 14 or 15. Then the son is like 12 or 13, I don't know, somewhere around there. And then they have a daughter that's the same age as Axel. And Axel remembered playing with hers, but they all came over and they're like, Hey, do you want to go tubing with us? And he was like, Yeah, he kind of lit up. These are kids that he's like, he's just intimidated. Sure. And I could see it. He's wearing it on his face.

SPEAKER_01 18:16

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 18:16

So they take him out and we're watching him, we're taking video, and he's having fun. You know, he's having a great time. They've got two tubes, you know, a couple of kids on this one and a couple on this one. We see that he falls off. It's taken a minute to get him, and then they come in.

SPEAKER_01 18:29

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 18:30

Comes off the boat and he's got a towel wrapped around him. And I said, Are you okay? You know, at first we thought, well, maybe he's hurt. And he's like, Yeah, I'm okay. He goes, but I lost my swim trunks. So when he says it out loud, you know, a couple of people in the family and the neighbors, they like hear it. And and the father is really cool, like the guy who took him out boating. I'm like, oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 18:48

So I'd be hard enough with like your close friends.

SPEAKER_00 18:50

Right. So I grab him and I take him in. I'm like, oh, that's okay, that's okay. Let's let's go in the cottage. I'm gonna swap out towels. I'm gonna give them their towel back, and then I've got a towel from us. So I put his towel on him and I notice he's got his underwear on. And he's got the you know, the the the kind that are like the the boxer boots. Yeah, yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 19:06

The type of compression kind of like that style.

SPEAKER_00 19:08

And they look like spandex shorts, right? Like they cover more than MMA fighters wear. They do. And I said to him, I was like, Oh, you got your underwear on? He goes, Yeah, and I said, Oh, dude. I know it's still embarrassing. I said, but thank God you have your underwear on. And then he's trying to downplay it. I wasn't really embarrassed because we just bought him these brand new swim trunks. Tammy and I went to the store literally that day, got him someone that fit him a little better. So was he more scared of that that he lost? He said he was upset, and I do think he was upset, but I think he was downplaying the whole being embarrassed. And I said to him, I said, And he was like, I wasn't embarrassed. And I said, It's okay if you were. I said, but I'm just saying the silver lining to this could have been so much worse if you lost your under, if you didn't have underwear on underneath this one.

SPEAKER_01 19:49

Yeah, I never have underwear on under this one. Yeah, it would have been a full monsoon, right?

SPEAKER_00 19:54

And sometimes I do. I kind of go back and forth with it's like either or for me, but like some people that were in the family apologized a little later on. They were like, they were laughing. You got to put yourself in that situation, like, and again, who he's with, that had to have been devastating. Yeah. Right.

SPEAKER_01 20:07

And if he didn't have the underwear on, oh, it would have been one of those exponentially worse. And that's what I said to him. That's a core memory at that point. Silver lining.

SPEAKER_00 20:15

I said, You've got a great story that you can tell. Yeah, but the fact that you had your under underwear on that way, you can tell it without like scar, like where you're so scarred from the situation where you probably would never be able to talk about it ever again, kind of thing, you know? So I said, At least you got that. But he was like, I'm just upset about losing the swim trunks. He's like, Can we go back and look for them? Like, those are probably in the swim trunks graveyard.

SPEAKER_01 20:35

I think I just saw a fish swimming by now. He was wearing them. Keeping on the kid's story while you were gone. Katie was out, I forget. She went to an event, she came home for a little bit, went to another event, and I was okay, I was a little salty feeling. I'm like, you know, hey, yeah, I'm making dinner and doing, but I'm like, whatever. Like, I also want her to have a good time. I think I'm more upset that I don't go out and do more than I was of her like stacking things. And so I'm with the kids and I'm like, we just got I forget what we did first, but then we were like sitting around, kind of all staring at each other. We've got to just get out of the house. I was like, let's go over to the skate park, and they grab their stuff and and we go. I'm throwing the ball around to Roxy, having a good time, and they come out and they were kind of having a little like brothers like bickery, like, you know. And during this time, I guess Liam was riding Jackson's scooter. Jackson was chasing him on Liam's scooter. A kid cut in front of Jackson, Jackson went down, and I thought just maybe jammed his finger. It didn't even talk about it that evening till at nighttime. And mom gets home and he's like, Hey mom, I hear, can you get me some medicine? My thumb hurts pretty bad and it's swollen. Bro, why didn't you you know think why you call it to me and then I'm gonna go to the house?

SPEAKER_00 21:52

You wait till mom gets home to come like you're tattling on me.

SPEAKER_01 21:55

Like dad didn't do anything about my oversized thumb. Yeah, exactly. So You know, the next day, his thumb in the morning, we put ice on it, gave him ibuproven. The next day, it's still swollen. And I'm like, man, did he just jam it? Sometimes when you jam it, it's pretty bad, right? Sometimes you have to pop it back into exactly. I asked him, I'm can you pull on it at all? Yeah because I was thinking that if you pulled on it, maybe it's gonna like pop it back a little bit. And he's like, Yeah, but he can't bend at all. I'm like, oh shit. So I take him to piano yesterday. It's hot as hell here in Utah. It's like really hot in the and we were out on the motorcycle. I'm gonna go over. I didn't tell him this, but I'm like, I'm gonna go to Harman's during your 30-minute like training, and I'm gonna grab like a drink. So I'm over there, and all of a sudden I get a call, and now like voicemails show up. You have to like identify who you are first. Isn't that crazy? So I start seeing all this like disjointed conversation like on the on the text. I'm like, what the hell? So I'm like, I'll answer it. You know, so I answer and he's like, Hey dad, the piano teacher won't actually teach me today. She says, I have to go get my finger jacked out. And then you're thinking, it's taking the piano teacher. Oh no, no, dude. This is the best. This is the best. So he's like, Where are you? I'm like, oh, buddy, I'm just at Harman's across the street. I'm walking back right now. He's like, You weren't on your motorcycle. I'm like, Oh, this is looking, this is stacking, looking great as a dad. Right. The fact that I have my kid on the motorcycle, I know a lot of people are like, What the hell are you doing? I'm like, here we go. Yeah. So I walk over. Fortunately, I'm dressed more like Jax Teller from Sons of Anarchy. So I'm like, she's not gonna say shit. She's like, I can't, um, I can't really train him right now um in unless you go to the doctors. And I must have had a look like, don't tell me today my kid to the doctor. She's like, or if you don't want to take him, then um just the swelling needs to come down before I can train. I'm like, oh my God, I'm looking like dad of the year right now. So I'm like, okay, thank you. Well, I didn't know they'd called Katie too. Oh no. Oh no. So we get on the bike and he's like, Dad, can we go for a little longer ride before we go home? I'm like, Yeah, sure, buddy. So we actually come up your road there, and then we turn uh and we're heading towards Instacare.

SPEAKER_00 24:13

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 24:13

Naturally, we're going out towards Highland, right? And we get at the intersection, he's like, Dad, are we gonna go to the Instacare? And I said, How bad does it hurt? And we're kind of muffled through the helmets, and he's like, Yeah, it's it hurts. I asked the question, and this is one of those moments I realized you just have to take control of the situation. So I was like, Well, do you want to go? And then I thought, why am I asking my kid if he wants to go? Right. So I go pull in. Well, we're having a good time. We're in there chatting. He goes, gets his x-ray. She's like, Oh yeah, he broke his thumb. Uh, and he broke it like here and up by the growth plate. Oh no. And I was like, Oh god. She's like, Here, here's a pamphlet for the the orthopedic specialist. She's like, Have you ever called them? I'm like, my other son literally broke his arm. Like, I'm on a first name basis from every with everybody over there. And I'm sitting here with two helmets in the doctor's office riding a motorcycle, and I'm like, this is all looking amazing, right?

SPEAKER_00 25:12

I just hope everybody's not talking to one another. Like, she's not talking to the music teacher. Music teacher's talking to Katie.

SPEAKER_01 25:18

I'm like, am I gonna come out and there's gonna be a police officer like, hey buddy, what's what's happening?

SPEAKER_00 25:22

I'm from the state of Utah, CPS.

SPEAKER_01 25:24

We're gonna take Jackson from here. After we registered him in the system and were waiting in the lobby, I was like, I should probably call your mom, but yeah, I called her and I was like, I just want you to know I took Jackson over to the Instacare, and she's like, Okay, good. I didn't know what was going on. I got a call from the teacher saying she can't teach him today. And and you guys were gone for a little bit, and then she's like, Keep me updated. I'm like, he broke his thumb. I'm like, this is that's the update.

SPEAKER_00 25:53

Broke it in two places. We're coming home, right?

SPEAKER_01 25:56

Making an appointment with Tosh. Right? And then riding the motorcycle home. The best part is they've blocked off always from Alpha down to the Chevron. Who knows what they're doing again? So I'm like going up there and I'm like, oh my god, it's blocked. And it was right before that storm started rolling in. I'm like, I gotta, I gotta get us home, man.

SPEAKER_00 26:16

This is all yesterday, though. Yeah, this is all yesterday. I mean, we got a little bit of it, but it could have been a lot worse when we touched down. It was, yeah. It was rolling in. I was like, oh God. I was like, come on, I gotta get us home, too. So, okay, so does he have to, or I guess you do you know yet, or does he have to have surgery?

SPEAKER_01 26:34

Or I I hope not, man. I really hope not. Dude, he's so sweet and he's just like doesn't complain, bro. Like, doesn't complain at all. That's how Laxil is when he's hurt. Yeah, I'm like, I'm like, bro, it's okay to tell me if it's if it's bad, I'll but if you tell me it's it's okay, then I'm thinking it's okay. Might just be jammed a little bit, but it's like I don't want to put you out.

SPEAKER_00 26:55

Yeah, I don't feel my left leg. Yeah, exactly. And I haven't been able to feel it for two weeks.

SPEAKER_01 27:00

My arms my arm's numb and I can't like it's like, oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 27:04

Well, and that's how my ma is, and then she's exact and you so I think that's I don't know. I think we cut I don't even know. Like you try to convey to your kid, like, let me know what's happening. Sure. Don't downplay it. Yeah, you know, you you gotta have that happy medium, I guess. Like you don't want to be like with every little every little thing, like I gotta get rid of the exactly. I mean, there is there's that fine, delicate balance with that, so you're in it, and then there's all the other stuff that we were talking about. All the other just life shit, just life, man.

SPEAKER_01 27:32

And it's like again, back to the whole thing. It's the ebb and flow. It also can go the opposite way where just everything's opening up for you. So you gotta go with it. This is why I think like going back to our Musagi, Masogi, but going back to those kind of things, like pushing yourself through the sauna, pushing yourself in the cold, like doing some of these, I really believe are important, dude.

SPEAKER_00 27:55

Because help you through the uncomfortable of life.

SPEAKER_01 27:57

Yeah, you know, because if you do that stuff when life's comfortable, you're intentionally putting yourself in an uncomfortable position. Yeah, it really does help out when shit like this kind of just hits the fan a little bit. You're like, all right, it's not cool, yeah, but I'm fine.

SPEAKER_00 28:12

But you have like a threshold, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:14

You know, you can weather through stuff. Dude, we are in the age of comfort, man. Everything's regulated, everything's climate controlled, you know, no discomfort. And I'm like, we gotta, I think it's good to just push ourselves a little bit. We should go get in the creek. We should. How cold do you think it is, though? It's not even that cold. No, like your tub, way colder. Yeah, you know? What do you have your tub at? Dude, my tub's been drained for like the last it has like probably four or five months. Oh wow. Because I want to move it up in that little spot. Yeah, but I'm like, that thing weighs, those things weigh so much.

SPEAKER_00 28:47

350 pounds dry weight. So and it's huge. I mean, they're a big rectangular cube thing, it's like massive. Yeah. So it's not, it'd be one thing if it were just a little thing, 350 pounds, where you could grab an N and I grab an N, and you're like, okay, we got this, no problem.

SPEAKER_01 29:01

And that thing is built to last. Yeah. So if that I mean, that ledge is pretty, pretty high. If it fell down on you, it'd be gone. It'd be bad news. So I'm like, I gotta get some dudes.

SPEAKER_00 29:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:12

Where I it'd be nice to actually get like a machine that could just lift it and place it up. Like a little cherry picker or something. Yeah, exactly, dude. Because I don't even want guys carrying like the thought of that just is well, you know.

SPEAKER_00 29:23

I'll bet if you got two big guys, they could do it like it'd be an easy hundred bucks. You know what I mean? Or you pay it like, hey man, this isn't yeah, I mean it'd be easy to do.

SPEAKER_01 29:30

Until they drive up to a like they drive up to our house. Yeah. And it's like with your house and they're like, oh yeah, I I know I quoted you a hundred. It's actually it's changed. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:40

It's changed. I just I just got a text message from my boss. This isn't me, this is my boss. Well, dude, this conversation was was needed. Totally, man. Felt good. I missed it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:50

Miss like having their, you know, I didn't know it was gonna go down today. I was just like, oh, I'll just we'll just bank one of our other episodes today. I wanted you to have time to get back, but yeah, I appreciated it. When I got the video, I love the videos.

SPEAKER_00 30:02

And Tammy was like, I'm sure this is the last thing you want to do today. Like, you know, going and I'm like, no, actually, this is something that I need to do. That's a good lesson for people. Like, if you're dealing with just life and you've got maybe parents that are older, or you're a caretaker in some sense, you got to do stuff for you so you can be better and being there for somebody that needs you, right? Needs your help.

SPEAKER_01 30:21

Yeah. You get disappointed because there's not a lot of education about resources and or just how to deal with aging parents, bro. There really isn't. We all have to go through eventually at some point.

SPEAKER_00 30:34

I think it's it's out there, it's just hard to find.

SPEAKER_01 30:36

Yeah, but that's what I mean. Like, why is what that shouldn't be hard to find, right? This should be something we, as a culture, as families, we talk about and like how to process and deal with it. But we don't. It's just like, oh, you're just getting older, you know?

SPEAKER_00 30:49

And then when you get in like this situation, I think we were very fortunate with my ma, you know, because she is gonna be 88, and she, you know, her body started breaking a minute ago, but her you know, sh her mental ability, she's always been sharp. So we got lucky in that. But as we start seeing the body breaking down more, and she's you know, she can't do what she was able to do up until just not too long ago, that's where it gets scary. It's like, oh no. It seems unless she pulls out of this one, which I don't know if she's going to, this is like drastically different. You know what I mean? With with what a lot of people deal with on a day-to-day basis, you know, and have been dealing with for a long time.

SPEAKER_01 31:24

Because you said that that's what it felt like last time, though. You didn't know. But you said this time's it's different.

SPEAKER_00 31:30

It's different. Like she's just not making sense and doesn't seem like she's you know, so I don't know. We're hoping that she'll bounce back from it, but we just don't. I guess it's I don't know. We'll know more hopefully tomorrow or the next day. You know, a couple more days in the hospital. But from that point, like what is gonna happen? You know what I mean? If she goes home and if we do facilitate the whole hospice thing, what is that gonna look like? I I just don't know. I don't know if if she you know, whereas before she could at least go to the bathroom on her own. I don't know if something like that is changing.

SPEAKER_01 32:01

I remember that with my mom when I went to the hospital. I love the fact that your brother's at least here back in it. Um I remember going and dealing and having to put my mom on hospice and like that whole situation and going back and forth, and they're like, Well, if we if we do these treatments, I don't know if this is this is uh gonna be a lifelong thing after that, that she'll have to be basically in the hospital for the rest of her life or we can take care of her just these end of days. Right. And I remember thinking, dude, this is this is real heavy shit. This is the stuff that like Especially when it's your mom. Yeah, it puts all of life and everything else so insignificant, dude. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Going back to like a water leak, you know, the water leak that we'll get through it. I mean, really well, yeah, we'll figure it out. We'll figure it out. Yeah. It's a few phone calls and maybe some hard labor. Who cares? Right. At the end of the day, who cares, dude? Right. It does put things in perspective. Yeah, man. Well, I'm I'm thinking about you. Thanks, man. Yeah, appreciate it.

SPEAKER_00 33:04

Yeah, good conversation. Make sure you're following us on uh all the socials on Instagram, on TikTok, dadhood, and of course check out dadhood.co. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:14

Yeah, absolutely. Thank you, Kim.