Why Dads Struggle With Anger & Emotional Regulation

This week on DADHOOD, we’re officially leveling up.

Recorded inside Kiln Co-Working in Holiday, we talk about community, fatherhood, emotional regulation, road rage, parenting through fear, and the hidden pressure dads put on themselves to constantly prove something.

From dangerous intersections and dad overreactions to unpacking childhood conditioning, we dive into the ways our upbringing still shows up in our parenting, relationships, and self-worth. We also have a real conversation about masculinity, pushing too hard, and knowing when enough is enough.

We also talk about:

•  Why dads need real community 
•  The hidden pressure to “prove yourself” 
•  Parenting after emotional reactions 
•  Road rage, fear, and regulating emotions 
•  How childhood conditioning follows us into adulthood 
•  Why connection with other dads matters 
•  Learning when to push — and when to let go 

This episode is for dads trying to grow, stay present, and become the kind of man they want their kids to remember.

Chapters

00:00 – DADHOOD Levels Up at Kiln
02:10 – Why Environment Impacts Creativity & Focus
05:48 – Building a Real Dad Community
09:15 – The Power of Friendships in Fatherhood
12:42 – Letting Kids Have More Independence
16:18 – The Scary Crosswalk Moment With Jackson
21:05 – Dad Anger, Fear & Emotional Regulation
25:14 – Why Kids Watch How We React
28:45 – Road Rage, Parenting & Staying Calm
33:02 – Childhood Conditioning That Still Shows Up
38:20 – Conflict, Arguments & Emotional Triggers
43:15 – The Rental Car Story & Learning to Respond Differently
48:52 – “Me vs Me” In The Gym
53:20 – Are We Still Trying To Prove Something?
57:14 – Knowing When To Push & When To Let Go
1:01:45 – Building Real Friendships & Dad Support
1:05:20 – Final Thoughts + Dadhood Events

Key Takeaways

1. Dads need community more than they realize

Fatherhood gets lighter when you have people who understand what you’re carrying.

2. Anger is often fear in disguise

Many parenting reactions come from fear, stress, or protection — not the moment itself.

3. Kids learn emotional regulation from watching us

How dads respond to frustration teaches kids how to handle life.

4. Just because you’re right doesn’t mean you’re safe

Teaching kids awareness matters more than assuming rules protect them.

5. We’re often still trying to prove something

Many adult behaviors trace back to childhood wounds, validation, or feeling unseen.

6. Presence matters more than performance

Kids don’t need perfection — they need connection.

7. Emotional awareness changes everything

Recognizing where reactions come from gives dads the power to respond differently.

8. Healthy masculinity includes vulnerability

Talking honestly about mistakes, fears, and emotions makes better fathers.

9. Not every challenge needs to be conquered

Sometimes strength is knowing when to stop pushing yourself.

10. Friendship is part of fatherhood

Having even one or two trusted dad friends can completely change the experience of parenting.

11. Kids are always watching

The way we drive, react, argue, and repair becomes their blueprint for adulthood.

12. Growth starts with honesty

Real fatherhood growth happens when dads stop pretending and start unpacking the deeper stuff.

Subscribe, follow, and share with another dad.

Thanks for listening to the DADHOOD Podcast. If this episode resonated with you, make sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with another dad who’s figuring it out one day at a time.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Alright, man, look at this.

SPEAKER_03 0:01

That hood's leveling up a little bit, right? I like it. Okay, you ready?

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Yeah, let's do it.

SPEAKER_03 0:10

Look at us.

SPEAKER_00 0:11

Look at us.

SPEAKER_03 0:12

This is pretty nice. We are moving on up. We are. We're we're leveling up. We are. Welcome to the Dad Hood Podcast. My name is Frankie.

SPEAKER_00 0:21

I'm Thomas.

SPEAKER_03 0:22

And we're powered by Kiln with this episode. So Kiln is this place that they have these like little workspaces and Yeah, it's a co-working space.

SPEAKER_00 0:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 0:32

You name it, they have it. Now, this is the one in holiday.

SPEAKER_00 0:35

It is.

SPEAKER_03 0:36

And for years I've seen as they are kind of, you know, getting this thing built.

SPEAKER_01 0:40

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 0:41

I knew that it was open. You told me, because you've been in a couple of times, and your wife Katie, she actually has a space here. It's amazing. You walk in, it's like oh dude, it's so beautiful in here. Like every being in LA or Miami or something. That's what it felt like.

SPEAKER_00 0:55

Only downfall is every time I come in, I'm like, oh man, I gotta upgrade my house. Right? Like it is. It's so beautiful. Everything looks nice. The views are nice. The energy, right? There's like an energy with all of these entrepreneurs and people that are just like in the creative space. You just feel it. It's infectious. It is.

SPEAKER_03 1:14

And it does it. It kind of gets those creative juices going because you know you're around people that are like wanting the same thing and just like-minded, right? And to connect. Yeah. And we were talking just to a couple of people as we were getting some coffee. So they have like a little coffee station, you name it, they have it here to really embrace you getting into that space to do whatever it is you're gonna do.

SPEAKER_00 1:34

Perfect for what we're doing. Like if look, if you got a podcast out there, I mean, this is an actual studio. This is a studio in the kiln location in holiday, built in, all ready to go. I mean, you have the incredible equipment, but if you didn't have it, I mean they have everything you need here. Everything you just plug in headphones, everything.

SPEAKER_03 1:52

Yeah, this is one of many podcast spaces, and but they have all kinds of like little office spaces, things where you can, if you need to do, I have a meeting, but it's so cool because then it's all open and people are just you know doing things, chatting, networking.

SPEAKER_00 2:06

Yeah, it's different like kind of packages. Like if you are just like starting out and you're like, I just need a cool place to go, get out of my house, and you can just do that, the open space form. If you're kind of growing, uh maybe you need a space for like two people, they have that, or all the way up to huge office spaces that have 30, 40 people in them.

SPEAKER_03 2:28

When I am at the house and I'm trying to do something, you know how it is. Like when you're trying to get something done, it's easy to get sidetracked.

SPEAKER_00 2:35

100%.

SPEAKER_03 2:36

Next thing you know, you're you know, you're you're making a sandwich, you're taking a break, and then the TV goes on for five minutes, and then it's 20 minutes, and you're like, shit, I've got things that I need to do. Yeah. You can get so you know, distracted so easily at the house. And I've had it where I'll go into a coffee shop, and that's that's definitely a lot better, but this is like it's like a coffee shop on steroids. Right. So you can focus, and then again, you're around like the it's the energy of just being around other people. Yes. So you're not isolated, but again, you're you're if you need some isol, like where you need to do something by yourself, but you have other people that are like-minded people all around you.

SPEAKER_00 3:12

Every single time I've come in, because I'll wear the dadhood shirt, just spark up conversations, same way we did up there. And oh, tell me about it. Next thing you know, they're like, oh wow, I have a small business, I don't know how to do marketing. You would you guys be open to talking about that? And then and you just start building these relationships, man. And I know, especially for me, I don't do well when I'm isolated. And so if I'm home too many days in a row, editing, creating, I can feel the energy drop. But you come in here, it's like when you and I grab coffee and you leave. It's like the energy is just palpable. It's like ready to go. You're like, I'm inspired again to do things.

SPEAKER_03 3:49

Well, so we're social creatures. Yes. And maybe if you're looking because I'm an introvert, I'm I'm like, believe it or not, I'm like the introvert, I think, extrovert right on the line, but I can definitely be where I I feel a little just shy. I like to read a room. I'm not I'm not the guy that can go up and just start the conversation, but this here in this environment makes it really easy.

SPEAKER_00 4:08

Super easy because everybody's kind of in the same boat, right?

SPEAKER_03 4:10

Exactly. It's it's like a an or I hate the word organic because it's overused, but it is truly like an organic way to get into a meeting or a conversation and to get to know somebody.

SPEAKER_00 4:20

It visually has a cool vibe, energetically has a cool vibe. The location is perfect. And the heart of holiday. It's central, dude. It's so easy to access. Tons of parking, cool new restaurants are being built around here, dude. It's a dope, this is a cool area.

SPEAKER_03 4:36

I'm so excited because literally, I'm five minutes up the road. You're like we're like nine minutes up the road. Seeing this over the years being built, I don't know. I'm I'm I'm just stoked for my community, our community. Just to have this here and literally in our backyard. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:52

And this is what we're all about. We are genuinely all about community, dude. And this is just another element on top of it, and it's cool because we're building the family and the dad space and building all that community out. But this is like a space for all like the creatives, the entrepreneurs, the the ones that don't fit into the mold. That's true.

SPEAKER_03 5:12

Speaking of that, let's kind of start off the show with uh things that we have coming up. We're starting to do some like monthly meetups. Yes. Uh, and then we have an event that's coming up next month. It's actually, what is today's date? Is is today the 13th of the month.

SPEAKER_00 5:24

It could be the 13th.

SPEAKER_03 5:25

Is it is the 13th or the 4th? It's a month from 10 months.

SPEAKER_00 5:27

It's a month, yeah. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 5:29

So it's June 13th at Mill Hollow Park in Cottonwood Heights.

SPEAKER_01 5:33

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 5:33

So there's a little park that's kind of uh just in the tucked in the neighborhood, right? It's right over near the coffee and cocoa.

SPEAKER_01 5:39

It is, yes.

SPEAKER_03 5:40

Uh, but we're gonna be there from 10 to noon. Basically a meetup. We want to meet families, dads. Yes. Come and and meet us face to face.

SPEAKER_00 5:47

Bring your kids, bring your partners, whatever. It's all it's a family thing. You know, we're just celebrating the fact that dads are amazing. We want to just like put them, help put them on the map, right? Create this space where we can all be a community, man. I I want to meet people, I want to say what's up, come up, say hi to us, meet other cool dads, and you never know who you're gonna run into.

SPEAKER_03 6:07

Well, and we know the importance of having a friendship.

SPEAKER_00 6:09

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 6:10

Having like a couple friends that you know that if you needed them at two in the morning, right, they're there for you.

SPEAKER_01 6:15

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 6:16

And that's kind of potentially what this could be. To not only, you know, feel seen and heard. One of the guys, I think it's Kyle that we were talking to here at Kill, and he was asking about the podcast, and just kind of like the movement, I guess, or what is it that you guys do. And it's like, look, man, we're just trying to, we're just trying to build a space for dads. There's no agenda other than getting to know people and to know that, hey, we're not like the masculinity, the toxic masculinity, no, you know, like man up kind of dudes. It's it's not that. It's talking about like we we always say dad stuff, dude stuff, just talking about stuff and relationships and and things that you know, talking about our kids, the good and the bad and the ugly, yeah, like making a mistake, and and that's the beauty of kind of what we I think it's how it's evolving. Yes, is if there's something going on and we're talking to each other, right? And then we're kind of processing through it, and then you don't feel alone. It's like I blew up at you know at Axel the other day. Oh, yeah, dude. And then it's like, but I went back and I repaired that. It's just creating connections and then knowing that you're not alone.

SPEAKER_00 7:15

And that authentic space. I love that the other guy that came up and he's like, oh, is this the corner where dads cry? And it was like, Yeah, kind of, if you want. And that's what we said. If you want it to be, we'll hold space for that, bro. Like, honestly, there's how many times, honestly, Frankie, do you sit there and you're like, dude, I in this moment, one, I have no idea what I'm doing as a dad. Two, my emotions are so fired up, right? That you feel like that. You're like, I just wish after that moment was done, there was somebody, anybody that could relate to me and what I'm going through, because I don't want to dump it on my wife, or I don't want to just dump it on my friends. But like you build this community of other dads that understand you. You can then have coffee and be like, bro, I lost my shit the other day. And they look at you and they're not like, oh my God, really, dude? Yeah. No, they're like, oh, cool.

SPEAKER_03 8:05

Like I did too. I did too, bro. And then you start talking about it. But that's the thing, right? And that's if it comes up. Yeah. It's not it doesn't always come up. No, it doesn't have to be about that. It's it's more of just like the connection, other dads, meeting dads. We're all kind of in this together. And you might have a friendship or two or three, something that that that that flourishes, and you're like, oh my gosh, this is like I'm I'm so thankful. That's what it's about. We're doing these monthly meetups. So that June 13th, though, that's the first event. So we're gonna have like some opportunity drawings.

SPEAKER_00 8:34

Yes, and we got some cool stuff, man. We do lifetime, just ingredients. Just ingredients.

SPEAKER_03 8:39

We got to do a variety basket.

SPEAKER_00 8:41

Yeah, Tivi bag, we got ritual recovery. So you can they're gonna give away some sessions where you can go cold plunge and sauna that we did. I love it. Just some really cool stuff.

SPEAKER_03 8:50

And we're working out other other things. And if you're actually listening and you're a business and you want to maybe be a part of it, get in touch with us if you want to maybe do some giveaways or we can partner, collab, you know, partner up. We'd love that. So best way, probably dadhood.co.

SPEAKER_00 9:03

We're also looking, like if there's companies out there like, I don't have any products to really give away. I believe in what you guys are doing moving forward with your cause. Like, there's obviously funding opportunities as well that would be great.

SPEAKER_03 9:14

So monthly meetups, though. We've got a coffee coming up. When is the that scheduled?

SPEAKER_00 9:18

That's June 29th. Okay. It's the first one.

SPEAKER_03 9:21

And that's going to be at Alpha Coffee. Alpha Coffee in Cottonwood Heights.

SPEAKER_00 9:24

It's all on the website as well.

SPEAKER_03 9:25

Sweet. So we just wanted to kind of get those out of the way.

SPEAKER_00 9:27

So how are you doing? You good? Dude, I'm doing really well. It's hard. Every every time we get together, I I laugh. It's like I'm just energized. Yeah, yeah. You know, and this week has been, it's had its ups and its downs. I've had moments where I'm like, am I giving my kids too much? Also, do I need to pull back? Sometimes I'll go extreme and pull back the other way, and it's like, I'm not giving you anything. So, what do you mean by giving too much?

SPEAKER_03 9:50

As far as like infiltrate your way into like, hey, let's do something, and they're doing something, and they're like, oh, oh, okay, that kind of thing.

SPEAKER_00 9:56

Yeah, well, here's a great example. So the other day after Taekwondo, the boys are like, Dad, when we get home, can we ride our scooters down to 7-Eleven? I'm letting them do that. That in in itself has been like, ooh, letting them cruise down and go. It's that intersection. That intersection is crazy. It's crazy.

SPEAKER_03 10:12

And they and they have kind of gone with the way there there's that right-hand turn thing where that's so I think it's maybe slowed people down a tad, but not really. I mean, people are flying down from Little Cottonwood there, probably 60, 65 miles an hour.

SPEAKER_00 10:25

That right hand turn, too, coming from um not staying on Wasatch, but turning in front and going onto Wasatch, right? Yeah. That's where I had the incident with Jackson the other day. Yeah. So, and and I'll share this one with everybody. So this is why them going down to 7-Eleven by themselves, too. I'm just reiterating the fact, hey guys, look, just because the signs saying you can walk and the things beeping, just pause for a minute and look around because not everybody there is paying attention. And so Jackson and I were at that corner waiting, and the sign goes for walk. It's like beep, beep. And and Jackson, I know he's he's like 10. He hears that, and it's like, that's sign to go, right? And I look over to the left, and this truck is probably going 50 to 60 miles per hour. I'm like, this guy's not stopping. So I was like, Jackson, hold on. And he comes in front of us. It his light's red, he comes in front of us, squeals his tires around the corner. I just went straight into like fight mode, you know, and protection mode. Realizing that my anger was the secondary emotion to the fear of my child being right there, right? They could have almost been clipped Jackson or and so I'm just yelling every word in the naughty dictionary. And I'm holding the bird like all the way. Like I think this guy made it all the way to the top of the hill at Wasatch, and I'm still standing there flipping him off, right? And Jackson, I look back at Jackson Jackson staring at me, big eyed, and he's like, Dad, let's go. Yeah, the the lights turned. It's turning. We have eight seconds left, Dad. We gotta go. So the tone of the space between him and I had completely shifted. Right. Because I my heart's racing, and I'm like, I wish you would pull over kind of situation. I'm like in that fight mode, right? And he's like, he's probably thinking, Holy shit, dude, dad just like went. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:27

Well, and you think they they probably don't like seeing you in that mode.

SPEAKER_00 12:30

No, well, it's scary to him too. Like, he's not gonna want to see dad fighting some guy in the street. Like, well, and in today's day and age, like the you never know what's gonna happen. Oh, 100%.

SPEAKER_03 12:38

I know you're like a second, third degree black belt, but it's a master.

SPEAKER_00 12:41

I don't even know there's people out there that would clean my clock, or they have a weapon in their car. Who the hell knows what's going on? People get shot all the time with road rage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was having my version of road rage standing there. So um, so I could feel that for a little while. I mean, all the way to like we got down under the bridge. If I'm feeling it, Jackson's feeling it, I need to do something to change this. Yeah. So I I made crack of it. I said, Woo! I said, Dad really lost it there, dude. And I said, I just want you to know that in that moment I got mad because I was honestly scared, dude. I was scared that he was gonna hit you or he was gonna like, you know, take us out. Yeah. And he was like, It's okay, Dad. I did hear him later on talking to Liam about it. He's like, Dad lost his shit, bro.

SPEAKER_03 13:26

And what do they say is uh like anger is just fear, but you but it's normal, it's yeah, normal, especially when your kid or your family's involved. Yeah, but going back to like you know the conversations, because we were talking about this yesterday, your kids, you know, you you can tell them a thousand times, I'll never stop telling Axel like because I know that some of the stuff sticks, some of it doesn't. And that is when they're crossing a street, and I'll tell them. I'm like, dude, because I remember my dad telling me this like, just because you have the right of way does not mean that that driver sees you or is gonna stop. So yeah, before you set foot in that crosswalk or getting ready to cross the street, you make eye contact with the driver. And I'm always telling Axel that because and then we talked about this. I have a nephew out in New York, and this is you know years ago. I was out there visiting, and I remember the light turns, we get the right-of-way, we're getting ready to cross this street, a busy Broadway. I think it was Broadway or one of the streets off of Broadway, and he goes to step out onto the street, and this taxi kind of almost clips him. He starts getting pissed off, and he's like, We have the right of way. And I was like, dude, but we have the right of way. And I said, It doesn't matter when you're fucking dead. Right. Who's right or wrong? Or if you're in a wheelchair.

SPEAKER_00 14:31

But I had the right-of-way.

SPEAKER_03 14:33

Yeah, technically, yes, but it doesn't matter if you die. But that's the whole thing. And that's the whole thing. Yeah. So it's just like having that awareness, especially nowadays with kids. And I've noticed, like, if we're sitting there, right, we were at a crosswalk, and kids, like, have you ever watched even adults? It is so bad. Where either they're on their phone or they're just I've seen like women in the neighborhood with their baby stroller, right? And they're pushing, and they don't even look to see if I'm gonna make that right-hand turn, even though they have the right of way. They didn't look left to see that uh if I'm stopping, and they just step out and say, and I'll say to Axel when we see that, I'm like, Did you see how they didn't even look? Now, if I weren't paying attention or a driver, and there's so many distracted drivers, again, it doesn't matter who's in the right, yeah, that could have been a deadly situation.

SPEAKER_00 15:18

That's the craziest thing. This guy was even looking at me. He looked at me and was just this like, Wow, oh well, wow, oh well, I'm going somewhere. Like so crazy. Just aggro. Yeah, just aggro, and that's another one. It's like, and breaking it down, I'm like, I don't know what situation he's in, but it's like, bro, your bad situation could have made this a horrible situation, right? Right? Like whatever you're going through that you feel like you need to be going twice the speed limit and squealing your tires around the corner to get to, that could have been for what? Right, you know?

SPEAKER_03 15:49

Well, and that's a good lesson because i I think we're all guilty of that, where you're, you know, in a hurry. Uh, because just in the last couple days, for whatever reason, I kind of tapped into this where I'm a little bit more amped. Because I've been I've been a lot better over the last, I don't know, six months where I'm not because I could go zero to pissed off in you know a nanosecond, right? In traffic. I was like road rage, like just getting pissed off, and I haven't been that way in a minute. But in the last couple of days, I've noticed, you know, somebody in front of me that's going well, I don't think fast enough, and I'm pissed and I'm yelling. And then when I do have the opportunity to go, I'm like speed like going over way over the speed limit in not like residential area, but it's not like not on the freeway.

SPEAKER_01 16:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:31

And so I had to kind of check myself like I need to slow the fuck down because it's not worth it. It's not worth it, or a dog runs out, or if somebody, a kid runs out of nowhere. So it's that's just a good reminder because we're I think we're all guilty of that. Like you're you're thinking, I gotta get to here, and then you're just flying down the road, not thinking about anything else.

SPEAKER_00 16:48

You know, well, the thing that really gets me here, especially in Utah, I don't know if you've noticed this a lot. Like, people, I think speed limits are just like, that'd be nice if it's a suggestion, yeah. Yeah, like maybe you want to go that thing. So if you're trying to actually go the speed limit, I've noticed people are riding my ass, dude. And I'm like, and that gets me because I I've there's like two parts of it. One, it makes me feel like I need to hurry up. And two, I'm like, get off me. Right? So there's like this conflicting message where I'm like, I know I'm doing what's right, but I'm feeling pressured to like because you're on literally on my ass. Yeah, yeah. I mean, to the point where, dude, I can't even see the front part of their car. Right. You don't see their headlights, yeah. You don't see the I'm like, dude, how close are you?

SPEAKER_03 17:32

Well, and then I'm like, if you find any cancerous or precancerous polyps, please let me know because you are so far up my ass. You know, it's like getting a colonoscopy without all the prep work.

SPEAKER_00 17:41

Yeah, my my mom used to always yell, get off my gas hole. Like she was always yelling like, get off my gas hole.

SPEAKER_03 17:47

I just had something like that happen yesterday. It's the same thing for me. I get I get pissed off. Like, what is the deal? Like, get off my and I'll be like, get off my ass, you know?

SPEAKER_00 17:54

Yeah, and you're trying to stay like calm, especially if I have the boys in the car. You know, Katie was really good because she's the one that mentioned originally that I was like aggressive with other drivers because there was an incident kind of similar, and I started getting heated up, and I'm like riding right behind the person that did something wrong. And she's like, Thomas, your boys are in the car, which was a great reminder because it's like, again, they're going to believe that how I behave, how I show up in the world is the way that they should show up in the world.

SPEAKER_03 18:25

Right.

SPEAKER_00 18:26

Right? Like, well, dad doesn't, you know, and they're not even questioning it because that's just what they know.

SPEAKER_03 18:30

I've had Tammy say the same thing, like when we're like if we're running late, because you know, my wife and I love her, but she can she can make you late. And then, you know, going through the neighborhood, and she's and then it kind of pisses me off because then you're telling me to slow down, but we're late, but then I get it. Overall, she's absolutely right. I can't be, I can't be flying 30 miles an hour down a side street in our neighborhood. Goes back to the conversation I think from the last episode. It's that external feedback, somebody saying, Hey, you're doing this or this is the way you're acting, it's like, oh, thanks. Yeah. Because in that moment, I was just like, We're late.

SPEAKER_00 19:01

Dude, you know, uh really interesting about that, because we talked about things that have been passed down and maybe even ways that you showed up, meaning like, you know, the individual shows up because of their parents, how their parents are showing up, right? So if your parents are like yelling a lot or something, maybe how you react in order to diffuse that.

SPEAKER_01 19:19

Right.

SPEAKER_00 19:20

So one thing I noticed is for a long time, if there was a heated argument, so there's this like And this is in the house growing up. So this so no, I so like as an adult, if I had to be in a situation where I had to bring something very uncomfortable like to someone's attention at work or um with Katie or Yeah, and here here was like where I really noticed it. Okay. So Jackson's in preschool and one of the kids bit Jackson.

SPEAKER_03 19:48

I I think I remember you tell me the story. I think I remember the story.

SPEAKER_00 19:51

Well, the kid that bit Jackson, his parents owned the daycare. Oh, you're kidding me. So I was like, I have to have this conversation that this isn't okay, that my son's getting, you know, bit by another child, understanding that they're kids and things happen, right? But when I went to have that conversation with him, I noticed like the pitch of my voice was changing. I was feeling pressure in the chest, I was kind of like speaking really fast. And that was another one that I had to be aware of because I'm like, ah, this is because I don't do well in like arguments. Yeah, with conflict, yeah. Yeah, growing up with that. Like, I don't do well with the conflict.

SPEAKER_03 20:31

So what so with that, I get that, because I get the same way when I get into a heated conversation with somebody. But what is it that you're feeling inside that you don't want to be in this situation, or does it amp you up where you start getting angry?

SPEAKER_00 20:48

Yeah, it starts amping me up. Okay. So my emotions kind of go, I I feel like they step up all of it. Like if if I'm feeling sad, like or something like that amplifies. If I'm feeling angry, that amplifies. It's like all the emotions are intensified. Yeah. And I can feel it building up in the chest. If you can sit back and realize it so that you're aware of it, but now when I'm getting into those situations and I can feel feel it building up, it's like, well, there's certain tools like breath work and stuff like that that you can start regulating it out. But that's one of those, again, I think sometimes we don't realize how because of how our parents acted, or a teacher or some authoritative figure in your life, and your response to that is being able to work on that in order to move forward in life too. Because if my boys were around and they saw me interacting, telling the teacher or talking to somebody about this, and I can't regulate my emotions and I get all amped up, then that's how they're gonna like walk into the world.

SPEAKER_03 21:48

I can totally relate to that. I think over the probably couple few years I've really been working on the I mean, I can get angry, but before I would get into a a mode where passionate, whatever you want to call it, Intense is the word that my wife Tammy uses. Like you get intense, but I get loud and I get not combative, but uh because I don't like conflict.

SPEAKER_01 22:09

I don't either.

SPEAKER_03 22:11

But I also also feel, and this is where I've kind of tried to unpack this shit, peel it away. When I would get into these situations and I would get amped up, I had like a chip on my shoulder for the longest time for years. And I think a lot of that had to do with that. So like I'm not gonna back down. Like I don't like that, but I also don't like being walked on or taken advantage of.

SPEAKER_01 22:30

Right.

SPEAKER_03 22:31

So I would get to a point or feeling like I'm being manipulated, that would bring me up to this, up way high. And then I think it it was about all this shit from the past of me feeling like I had something to prove, right? It's probably this eight-year-old Frankie, and my brother's 13 at the time. That's the argument that I'm in. In my mind, it's like I verbally, mentally, and everything with that argument lost. I'm not losing this. Today I'm not losing this. I'm not losing and I'm not gonna be taken advantage of. I'm not gonna be. So I think that, but I've seen it's taken me years because I'm 55, probably within the last, maybe three years ago, or within the last three years, closer to three years ago, but now, you know, maybe three years deep into this, as far as knowing where that comes from. So I'm not I'm not the same person where I can get, I can still get heated, sure, but I'm not like before, where I would just, I would start flooding, and then I'm saying things and it's getting intense, and because in my mind it's like, you're not gonna bully me. Yeah. You're not gonna, you know, you're not gonna take advantage of me. I'm gonna get respect. And that was kind of the thing. I mean, really, it was all rooted, and even though I look back into like into the radio gig and and probably the last I mean, the last few years of that were bad and toxic, but even prior to that, I can remember I mean, it's one thing to stand up for yourself, and I learned that from my dad. But I had because of all the old bullshit, it turned into something more than that. So I can remember, you know, over the years working at the radio station, even with like the general manager or just bosses and corporate people, and I would because I felt like okay, I'm being disrespected or wronged, or people in this building are being taken advantage of, and I felt like I had to almost stand up for people.

SPEAKER_01 24:09

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 24:10

But I look back and how I went about that. I was like, holy shit, that was very disrespectful on my part with what I how I was conducting myself, how you know what I'm saying? So there's a way to get that message. I just wasn't, it's that soft approach that I didn't even know fucking existed. But now I've really incorporated that and I don't get as amped, I guess, that anger anymore where I'm just like I have something to prove.

SPEAKER_00 24:33

Do you run the scenarios through your head before going into them now? Or I do.

SPEAKER_03 24:37

Okay and I always did, but I always I because before I guess it was a you know a lot of therapy, a lot of external feedback since we're talking about that. So I I would always do that, run it through. I would have, I mean, literally, because I'm I'm just you know, I've always been like, I gotta prepare, I gotta prepare. So if it was like a conversation that I knew I was gonna have, yes, I would, I would definitely prepare, but I still would wind up in this heated, I am not gonna be taken advantage of kind of situation. It's much different now.

SPEAKER_00 25:04

And just allowing yourself those natural like even pauses when you're having some of these hard conversations with somebody. It's interesting, man. Just even coming over here. You know, I got the windshield replaced yesterday, and they did a great job on the windshield, but they broke some other things.

SPEAKER_03 25:20

And they didn't really even put in the windshield like properly, didn't they?

SPEAKER_00 25:25

Yeah, when they put in the wiper blades, they like didn't put the like mounting brackets back in, right? And stuff I'm like, I'm like, guys, this is not the first car that's been in here. Yeah, like mine's not the first Tesla that's in your shop, bro. Literally, there was another one right before mine. I'm like, Did did you break his stuff as well?

SPEAKER_03 25:44

You know, and it's a popular company, so you're right. Yeah, yeah. So they're like busy day in and day out.

SPEAKER_00 25:49

So there's this part where I do. I think naturally my first reaction is, you did me wrong. I paid for a service, you did me wrong. As an adult, I can stand up for myself. You assholes are gonna hear from me. Right. Instead of being like, hey, I'm just gonna go in factual and be like, guys, I just want to bring this to your attention. You know, it's going to go so much better if I take that approach. How it actually ends up, I don't know. Soon to find out.

SPEAKER_02 26:17

You know that's the way it should go. That's how it should go. Whether it goes down that way or not. Yeah. We'll see when you get there.

SPEAKER_00 26:22

Because if yeah, if you're on the flip side and some guy comes in and he's just fired up, you're gonna be fired up. But if they come in and it's like, hey man, this is what happened. Can we all just acknowledge that this happened and make it right and move on?

SPEAKER_03 26:33

This is probably about, I don't know, five years ago. And I got heated. I look back, I could have definitely been a little softer with it, but I I'll give you the situation. So it's probably about five years ago now. So my ma lost a good friend of hers. Her name is Veronica, and she we had known this family, like I like literally a second family growing up, play together like with their their kids or my age, and and my mom physically, I mean, she's almost 88, so she's like, I can't, I can't go back for the funeral. So I went back and kind of represented the family.

SPEAKER_00 27:04

Oh, that's nice.

SPEAKER_03 27:04

I wanted somebody from our family to be there, you know, with their family. So I fly in on that Friday night. So my wife, Tammy, so she gets my rental car, and it's through I don't even want to say the thing, but anyway, this this rental car agency. I get there. The flight gets gets me in about 11, something like that. So it's definitely close. I mean, it's close to the last flights coming into Detroit. There's a couple people in front of me. I go up to the counter. She booked it under my legal name, and on my amex, I have Frankie and my last name. And this guy was like, grabs my my license and then my amex, and it doesn't match. We're we can't we can't rent you the car. And I said to him, because I've had this happen before. If you run it, you'll see then my legal name comes and then I sign. He's like, No, it's two different things, and I can't, we can't do that. And I actually think that I handled it pretty good, considering. So I didn't get like heated because I just said to him, I said, look, here's the deal. I flew in. It's now 11:30 or whatever it was, 1140. Coming up, it was approaching midnight.

SPEAKER_01 28:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:04

And I said, I need a car. If you run it, you'll see that that's me. I'm not leaving until I get a car. I didn't get loud, but that's what I said to him. He's like, We can't do it. Okay. And I stepped aside and he's helping other people, right? And I said, Dude, I'm not, I'm not going anywhere. And then I said, Do you know who the artist marshmallow is? And he said, Yeah. I said, You know, he has an amex and he has marshmallow on there. That is not his real name. And I was kind of being a dick, but I wanted him to see the connection, like the correlation of the of the two and how ridiculous this is. And he's like, Sorry, it's not, it's not matching. We can't rent it. Can you know, can you get get me a manager? Anybody. Yeah, anybody that can I can talk to other than you. And he kind of blew me off and said, No, they're gonna tell you the same thing, and no, I can't. And I said, Okay, I'm gonna stand right here until I get a car. I'm not leaving. It's now almost midnight. I don't have a ride. I've gotta, you know, I've got to have a car so I can go to the hotel and check in. And then all of a sudden, this woman comes out of the back, his superior, and then she's like, What's what's the problem? And I just explained it really quick. And she goes, Oh, yeah, that's totally fine. You can run it. And I went, Thank you. And then he was like, you know, I was just trying to do my job, just trying to do my job. And I just said, That's cool, whatever. Because at that point, I wanted to be like, You're a fucking asshole.

SPEAKER_00 29:15

Yeah, you suck at your job.

SPEAKER_03 29:16

Yeah, I wanted to say that. And and maybe old old old Frankie, I I might have, maybe not that, uh, but but I would have said something, yeah, maybe something really smarmy. I don't know. It's frustrating. It's so frustrating. Try to keep your emotions in check and you have somebody that's just being a dick.

SPEAKER_00 29:32

Well, and then sometimes you're like, okay, I've gone from I'm trying to be calm, I'm trying to be a nice guy, to all the work I've done in the world's not going to prevent this moment. I'm not getting walked over, bro. Just need to resolve this and and move on.

SPEAKER_03 29:45

Hey, can I ask you a question? So this is uh something that I remember last episode.

SPEAKER_00 29:51

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 29:51

You were talking about and kind of it's just kind of a lighthearted question. I just wanted to hear your response to it, though, because you said when you're in the gym by yourself.

SPEAKER_00 29:59

Oh God, here we go. You said that it's it's you against you. It's me versus I'm gogging.

SPEAKER_02 30:04

So in that situation, who wins?

SPEAKER_00 30:06

I'll tell you what, my my body doesn't win um in that situation.

SPEAKER_02 30:10

And I meant to ask you because I was editing that episode. I was like, that's funny. Like, who who wins? Who wins?

SPEAKER_00 30:16

Yeah, my mind ultimately wins in that situation because I end up doing the extra reps. Whatever it is, I'm yeah, you're pushing yourself. Yeah, I do the punishment that my minds at that point. Which is a really funny thing. Now that you brought it up, the last two times I've gone in, I've been way more cognizant of that. Also, I think I've like pushed my body a little bit and starting to feel some things in the shoulder.

SPEAKER_04 30:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:39

Where before I'd be like, oh, that's cute, shut up. And I would just like keep pushing through. And now I'm like, no, let's kind of take it a little easy. Nobody here cares, except for that guy in the mirror. Nobody else here cares.

SPEAKER_03 30:52

And even that, like, I love that because you know that that train of thought, I mean, it can it it can work and serve you in certain areas, but sure overall, that train of thought, I mean, you think about it as a as a husband, yeah, as a friend, as a as a father, that mindset is kind of like, you know what I mean? Like suck it up. And that right there is almost like that inner conflict with you're trying to, you know, you're trying to undo some of that stuff, and then that's still kind of maybe running in the background a little bit. Yeah. You know, but the fact that you're saying it out loud and you're like, I'm not, I'm not letting it do that to me, or I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna let it push me like that, or it's gonna hurt me, hurt me, like physically hurt me.

SPEAKER_00 31:27

Well, and this is a really like kind of time-sensitive thing because I'm gonna be doing the next level testing for my black belt. That will be in November's the actual like full test where I'll I'll be going for my third dawn. This one you have to do four level tests in between, in between your second degree and your third degree. You have to do four level tests showing the new, like new forms, new dagger forms. There's all these things that you have to do in between, right? So it's like you're showing that you're learning, progressively learning each step throughout it before the next one. And it's a two-year process between second degree and third. So I have one more level test coming up here, I think next month. Okay. So that I can actually qualify in time to do my third degree test in November. Okay. Right. So the official like black belt test in November. There's a kick. Pretty much the only people I'm seeing doing it online or in videos are 20-year-olds. And I've always had a certain pride level. We talked about this with Taekwondo, that I feel like it's the thing that I'm I'm decent at. More than decent, but yeah. I'm almost, you know, turning 45 this year. I've already said out loud to multiple people there that I'm gonna attempt this kick. Every time I've been practicing it, Frankie, I'm like falling down. I'm like genuinely, there's a part of my mind that's like, you're gonna hurt yourself, bro. Yeah, trying to do this kick. Where do I draw the line and say, I'm gonna do another pretty awesome kick? I could do something else. No one in the again, all the spectators, they don't care. Right, right. Master Kwan, Master Susan. It's not going to impress them. Master Kwan, while I was doing it the other day, he said, Stop. He's like, Don't do that. My boys are sitting there watching. And now I'm like, okay, there's this going back to what we're talking about in the gym, as being a father, being a husband, and this mindset. Where is the line to draw to say, hey guys, look, I might have bit off something more than I can chew. I don't want to do that to my body because if I get injured, it's gonna affect the family. Versus I want them to see that even though I'm older, I can still do this thing that I put my mind to. And that's where it's really hard.

SPEAKER_03 33:37

See, and I think that's great that you see this, but I think the message for me, I think personally, the message is biting off more you than you can chew. I think that's a great message for them because if not, you're you might pass the same trait where they're just gonna, they're gonna be like trying to achieve something all the time, trying to prove something to somebody. Yeah. And I think that's where it's coming from. I still from all the stuff that we've talked about, and for as well as I know you, yeah, I think it's still going back to your childhood, still trying to say like that I can do this. Yeah, I can do it. And you're trying to I think it's a certain person that you're like, Yeah, I can do it, and I'm gonna show you that I can do this. So I think that's great, but I also think that comes at a price, and I think the message for your boys is because they see the things that that you've achieved physically. I mean, just you name it, like your whole life and the things that you've taught and are are teaching them, right? Everything. You're a great dad.

SPEAKER_00 34:33

Thanks, bro.

SPEAKER_03 34:33

But this is maybe a moment where you're like, it's okay. I think I bit off more than I can chew. It doesn't make make me any less of a father or less of a husband or a man. It's the other stuff that really can get away from you. And it and it does. It's like, well, I said I was gonna do this, and it's like, I get that, but there's there's more to it. It's not just there's so much from the the our childhood that we tried to again go back and trying to prove something, overcompensate. Yeah, overcompensate, and then it gets kind of lost and and it's like muddled on what is like what am I doing here? What is the message that I'm trying to teach? Not not just your boys, but what's the message to you? Is there gonna be another one? It's the same thing where you're just like we talk about being gluttons for punishment.

SPEAKER_00 35:18

There's always gonna be another kick.

SPEAKER_03 35:19

Yeah, and it's and there's nothing wrong with pushing yourself.

SPEAKER_00 35:22

For sure.

SPEAKER_03 35:22

But when it comes to when you have Master Kwan, it's probably his way of saying you don't have to prove anything. And your boys know that. They do. Maybe they wouldn't be able to articulate it, but that's up to you. But I love the fact that you're you're kind of seeing this this conflict.

SPEAKER_00 35:37

Yeah, and it's definitely it's weighing on my mind. I bet. And it's going back and forth because I I believe there is power in just looking at them and being like, hey guys, I know dad said he was gonna do this 540 kick. I've been I've been practicing it, and I think you guys could probably achieve it if you want to do it. But I think at this point it might be pushing dad a little too far to where I don't want to be injured, you know.

SPEAKER_03 35:58

And think of the pressure, and it's just like like if you did have that conversation with them, that's something that they'll always remember and and probably heed that advice in their life. Like that was a huge gift. You're not a failure. No, I know. What your mind is telling you, and knowing who you are and being secure with that, being like, I know who I am. I'm a bad I'm a badass dude, like all around guy. Yeah, you know, father, husband, everything that you do, you do it well.

SPEAKER_00 36:23

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 36:23

So I love that you're talking about it.

SPEAKER_00 36:24

Well, and even thinking about that, it was like, I think a part of the ego play is if I do it in front of all these other people that are watching, and I'm gonna be straight up, it's these other guys that are watching. If I pull that like off in my 40s there and be like, oh, that was badass. I don't think any of them care, bro.

SPEAKER_03 36:41

Yeah. That's the thing. They know you're badass. And we were there for a couple years, I think, with Axel, like it was about two years that he was doing, right? Right. Maybe even closer to three that he was doing Taekwondo. You're a rock star there. People know who you guys are and know specifically you, and everybody can relate to your 540 kick. You know, everybody's got a 540 kick, and maybe it's nothing like physics, but it's something that I want to achieve this. But then you got to look at it and go, why though do I want to do this? What's the meaning and the motive behind it? That's what we talk about, and that's where I'm starting to see a lot of just tackling things in life and in the direction that I'm I'm in right now and going in. And even with this, like partnering up with you, and because you know, for the longest time, you're like, I'd love for you to be a part of it. I'm like, you know, I yeah, I want to do this. Yeah, I want to be a part of it because I I believe in this, and it, you know, there's a sense of purpose with this, with what we're creating, and just any anything else that I do, I'm like, I'm more intentional about it. Like, where is it coming from? Why do I want to do this? Yes. Is it to prove or you know, of course, we want to try to make a living and make money, but what's the meaning behind it, the motive? That to me has become really, really important with when I commit or decide to do something.

SPEAKER_00 37:45

That's awesome, man. You've been inspiring me with that. Like, I've been watching just the growth and the journey, and it is. It's empowering, man. So I I appreciate you being that example. Appreciate you even calling me out. This is what this is all about. I don't hope it doesn't you see it that way. No, it's not calling me, it's it's shining light on it. Like, hey, I don't think you realize really what's kind of going on here. Yeah, and this is what we're talking about with our community, and just like this kind of stuff. This kind of stuff. And it doesn't have to get deep like that.

SPEAKER_03 38:13

It does, it doesn't, but it but it could, and it's and it's beneficial, and it's it's all about like connection. And since we've become friends, I feel like there's so many different lanes now that I feel more comfortable going down because of you. Like just some of the things that you're more well-versed in this area, this area, asking for advice, and I feel a little bit more secure, a lot more secure as I'm doing certain things. But that's like the definition of a good friendship and and relationship is you compliment each other. Kind of the gist of what we're trying to do here.

SPEAKER_00 38:41

So we're trying to build out, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 38:43

Powered by kiln, this is a really cool space.

SPEAKER_00 38:45

Awesome space.

SPEAKER_03 38:46

We're on holiday, and man, they it's so they've got like private offices, meeting rooms, event spaces. I would go on their website and we'll link it up in the podcast description. But if you're in this area, and I think they have one in Utah County as well.

SPEAKER_00 38:58

They have one in Salt Lake, downtown Salt Lake. I didn't know that. Yeah, and when you become a member, you can go to all of them.

SPEAKER_03 39:04

Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. If you can, if you're close to one or if you're in the holiday area, pop in and see it for because it's one of those where you can go on the website, it looks beautiful, but until you see this place, this space in person, it really is cool.

SPEAKER_00 39:20

It is way cool.

SPEAKER_03 39:21

This is a good conversation.

SPEAKER_00 39:22

Cool.

SPEAKER_03 39:22

I feel like we've got a lot that we covered.

SPEAKER_00 39:24

We did, we covered a lot. And then some and we got stuff coming up. Keep tuning in.

SPEAKER_03 39:29

So dadhood.co. Of course, you can follow us on social media, dadhood. And then uh we're on Apple Podcasts at Spotify.

SPEAKER_00 39:35

There it is. Tune in, listen up.